Life Still Applies

2012-01-25T08:26:00.001-08:00

I call it "Basement, two inches to the left." It's like, "Whoa, where is it?" and man, it's 2 inches to the left. And you'll try to find it, and you'll call me, and I'll say, "Look 2 inches to the left. Tell your friends."

2012-01-15T14:14:00.000-08:00

Oh hi

Where's waldo?

2011-11-27T20:51:00.001-08:00

Just call me Madame Blueberry

2011-06-13T20:30:00.000-07:00

One Headlight

the story behind the song

I've been with less than two headlights before. It all started with the right headlight. That one was only out for a few days. I went straight to AutoZone (best place for buying headlights, especially if you dont know what you're doing), told the guy that I had a car and this was when it was born and this is its race and he knew exactly what it needed. Excellente. He even replaced it for me. I gave him a tip.
Now, my left head light is out. It has been out for 3 weeks. Second events (borns? nawww) never get the prompt attention that they should. Life lesson. I finally went to AutoZone. No such luck as before. I found what I needed but the guy did not offer to help me. I guess the guy I tipped did not spread my good reputation around. He must have hid his tip. He probably wanted to be the only person who helped me. So I have this headlight. It sits on my passenger side. Hey come on try a little, nothing is forever.

*Intermission.
in which something does not go right.
-I go to my station. I ask my buddy how to change my headlight. I shut my car door. He guesses at what I should do. I close the hood. I can't open my car door. My car locked me out. Embarressing. I spent an hour at my station (embarresing), finally found a spare key. Hooray

I then go home to change the headlight. Get a call from the station that i left my headlight there. I go back to the station. I come home.

I tried lots of things. I could have replaced the right headlight. That one was easy. But the left one has the freaking battery right in front of it. Wasn't quite sure how to remove the battery so i left it. I tried other stuff to remove the light and I failed. Embarresing, x2. My fingers hurt. (ps i can never spell embarressing. embarrassing? inappropriate.)

This is me after I tried and failed changing the headlight. I tried for an hour. Notice i have the same expression as normal, only a bit dirtier, and a little more frustrated. This is because it gave me a headache. This car has been war all day. I even filled it up with expensive gas and this is what I get. Ok Herbie. I see how it is. We can drive it home with one headlight.

Maybe if the cops pull me over they'll change it for me since I'm a poor ignorant woman who doesn't know how to do anything to her car but change hubcaps tires and fill up the oil. Oh and I can pump gas too. Yes officer. Please and thank you.

UPDATE:
2 hours later my uncle who is great volunteered to replace it for me. Kind of embarressing because I gues I just didnt try hard enough. But I am now safe. I drove by a cop on my way home from my uncle's house. And I drove past him saying "Ah right. Whatchu got on me now, foo?"

Also. as embarressed as I have been throughout this post you'd think I'd actually spell the word right. Nope. You think wrong.

With two headlights and a peace symbol, I bid you all a goodnight.

2011-05-06T23:50:00.000-07:00

Fully aware of my inability to gracefully eat a burrito, I still got a mondo & sat at a window seat. I figured, if I have to eat lunch by myself, I will at least watch people from a window. I sat at a window seat (did I say that?) so I could watch people, then then I suddenly realized that they can see me too. They could see me eating my burrito. They could see the burrito falling apart in my hands. But what if I close my eyes? WHAT NOW, WINDOW SEAT.

2011-04-17T23:22:00.000-07:00

i went to the Timbers first home game. I can't even explain the thrill. I was out of my head - couldnt really believe I was there. So thrilling. Pouring down rain just added to the experience. The fans are crazy, totally legit. Loud pub songs were being yelled out with great swearing all the way through haha - but man we got the best fans ever. And we won! 4-2! Great start for their first year major league and first home game. We could have done better but we did good. I brought a friend and I'm glad I did cuz I probably would have 1) gotten on the wrong Max 2) so not gotten to the stadium 3) so gotten lost 4) would have been robbed and killed 5) wouldnt have had as complete of a good time 6) would have gotten lost and robbed on the way back. It's an awesome experience. But probably one that needs to remain a 2 person event haha. I reeeeeally hope i can go to another. I want tickets to May 25. Ajax vs. Timbers - WHAT COULD BE BETTER! ahhh i'm sorry Timbers but for that game I'll switch sides.

My cousin came and visited for the weekend and that was a blast. We had fat nights. Pizza, mike's, chips, ice cream, lather rinse repeat.

(Rachel I got your letter today! I posted just for you because I still love you so) And everyone else is pretty okay too. haha.

I need to sleep. I almost fell asleep 4 times throughout the day. But I resisted.

And now i'm giving in.

2011-01-16T17:04:00.000-08:00

i've been taking lots of trips. one to michigan. in which i went ice fishing, but alas i stopped no fish's trip. but, tourist though I felt because of my extreme excitement to actually be fishing on the ice, we did never the less go out on a lake and put fishing line through a hole drilled through the ice. in a shanti (ASHANTI?).
also i went to a moustache party. not that surprising since i was probably wearing a moustache the first time you saw me. i thought that i put that all behind me as my rediculous freshman years, but aparently that was unsuccessful. i went as a lumberjack (again, go figure). rope suspendors and burly boots and red buffalo flannel and stocking cap to boot. rachel went as a canal pushing frenchman...retained her innate elegance effortlessly. she's very elegant.
i really like michigan, by the way.

you musta been a beautiful babyyyy

that was adventure 1. adventure 2 occurs on friday if the roads like me. it just came to a point where i decided i need to stop whining about not having any adventures. i can make them.

today i tried watching inglorious basterds with my parents. to quote a county song, what was i thinking?

i've gone coocoo for dean martin lately. (oh guess what. he's dead too).

oh, what's this? holland in june? yah, you got it. but you don't got it as much as i do!

2010-11-30T22:22:00.000-08:00

Geo fab.

I am making new years resolutions. It's kind of like a bucket list and you pretend that in December 2011 you will die. In a way. You all know me. And then in December 2011 you hover over yourself and say "something should have been added." and in the next life you add that. It's like that you know. Every year is a life.

I am full of great insights like that. But I don't write them and I don't speak them because no one likes to know, see. Only I summarize them so people can't plead ignorance. Sometimes. But that's Communism.

I started writing my memiors. But they're all trash you know.

NPR reported that people cannot walk in a straight line without a reference point. If you are blindfolded you make little tiny turns that add up to a big turn that turns into a circle. Round and round we go until we hit a tree stump and then we don't have a clue. We are all victims of circumnavigation. Turn that into what you will. The way I see it. Haven't we seen this before?

I'd like to know, see. Suffer ye not to spake to me or I might thrust you a mortal injury.

My work has a Christmas party. I can bring I guest. But I'm not. Yah, that was weird. Fine (I'm not desperate see I got time). But weird. I guess I don't prefer to be thought of (even if it's for a split second) like, "Eesh, what's wrong with you to not bring a guest to the Christmas party huh huh why don't you have a boyfriend" i guess I'm jsut tired of that see? I'm fine yah not worried but I'd kind of like it if people let me alone about it right. The way I see it.

Thanksgiving was good. But my mom made mashed yams with marshmallows on top. I cannot even bear to write of such. My mom loves it and almost assumes derry boddy elf did and if they didn't they SHOULD damn it (OOPS!). You all know me, well I don't like it (have I said that before? after all hadn't I been writing the same thing for sixty years? you all know me...), and I find myself (sometimes) fighting a fierce and wonderfull but terrible verbal battle as to whether I should be forced against my will to eat this tray from the pit. It is on the same line as meatloaf. You remember? I hate that too. I communicadate that orften to most living beings. --Erp, Quite often I win, almost always, but that is because in getting older I have the freedom to say no to foods. And that's not socialism (The way I see it.)

Lo thou hast smote me harshly with such grave talk - are you to blame for this vast burden?

Are you ready for me? (i ask the world this every day. it never answers. i take it as a no. most aren't. comin to getcha)

WHEN I DIP YOU DIP WE DIP

goodnight moon.

2010-10-26T00:47:00.000-07:00

1) started a new book. i know nothing about it except its fictional and the kid's grandmum just died. so far, so good. also i try not to read summaries of books ever that are longer than 2 sentences. other than that i feel like it's spoiling it.

2) i just watched grease. again.

3) i started watching dr. who. i, like, it.

4) i ran on the field in the rain today. my throat got cold before my legs, and my feet got wet before my head.

5) i voted for the first time this year. i don't know why. i didn't like it it was not great. oh well i voted outside the 2 party system so it's almost like i didn't vote anyway. better?

6) i'm not a fan of ice cream unless its espresso mocha.

7) i will be 32 when NL possibly hosts the world cup. i will be a few years younger if the US wins the bid for the 2018 world cup. i can't believe it i'm too younge to make plans for 32

8) i decided that i will go to some Portland Timbers games next year and to become a fan.

9) i like my work and for the first time i'm kind of nervous to learn everything they are teaching me but its awesome anyway.

10) i hate saying 'awesome'. or 'grand'.

11) "hello, do you like my hat?"
   "no, i do not."
   "good-bye."
   "good-bye."

12) i also like 80's music probably too much

13) i've had this beer bottle by my bedside with my excedrin right next to it for the past month. all i need now is a goodbye letter. if you know what i mean.
(AND I WAS KIDDING)

14) i killed a big ass spider last night. i had waited all day to kill that thing but it kept staying in the corner and i can't get a shoe to sufficiently squish a spider in the corner. it deserved to die more than all the other spiders because it was bigger than the others. (somehow, the bigger you are, the more you deserve to die? please don't repeat that, mostly because i am not exactly tiny) But I came down stairs, and BOOM there it was. and i did not hesitate, i ran to my closet, pulled out my skate shoe (i squish big spiders with my skate shoes. daddy long-legs and those type of spiders i squish with flip-flops normally. really really fast mother fuckers i throw something at, tense all my muscles, scream, and if i can drown them in windex and comet powder i do. there is a different solution to every spider problem. Liz [friend at work] gave me a cup and paper towel so i can put them outside. obviously that doesn't fit in my plans and i never use it i don't want to hear it running around in there, i don't want it to chew through the cup or paper towel, i don't want it to live after it crossed the boarder into my house.)....pulled out my skate shoe and BAM! i squished that spider so fast, (without screaming or war-crys).

His remains still await my mother to clean. i haven't got the desire to do that yet. sorry. this is probably the first she hears of it, if she reads this.

15) i only started this blog for family back home when i was in idaho. now i'm back in oregon and i am lost as to what to post here now. i think i might just be done with it. or something.

"hello again. and now do you like my hat?"
"i do. what a hat! i like it! i like that party hat!"
"goodbye"
"goodbye!"

2010-10-01T18:55:00.000-07:00

I am a busy bee. And right now I am a tired bee.
I am part time at my Fire job and every minute is busy.
I am 2 days/wk at the gas station in addition.

I go to the field where I used to play soccer and I am not overwhelmed but something of that same feeling by the ghost of a younger me. Strange? yes. I can almost see myself there...I almost get that same feeling. I wanted to feel the same way I used to...exhausted after practice but so refreshed and strong. It's a great feeling. That's where I go to run now. I wonder how good I really was, how fast I really was, how strong I really was I just didn't know it. I wish I could watch my younger self play. Everytime I go there I get that feeling. The smell of the grass. Looking out at the field from the goalie box. From mid field. Jumping to try to touch the top of the goal. Throwing my water bottle down as I rush on the field to sub. My heart going in my throat in anticipation and excitement when the ball was coming to me and I knew I could boot it hard. Being exhausted but then finding the unknown energy to get to that ball before the other team. Walking off the field after a game with my legs burning & knocking the grass off my cleats. Stuff I really had forgotten about that just came up and shook my hand a couple days ago. Everything was the same except (good part) there isn't goose poop everywhere anymore. God there used to be a ton of goose poop.
But man I miss all that. I want it back again. Except for the geese.
Also side note: I could never play indoor soccer. I never could bring myself to it. I don't like it. I can't imagine playing it and getting rugburns instead of mud. No way Jose.

Ummmmm I am going crazy. HELLO WORLD DONT YOU WANT TO KNOW ALL THIS? how about I give you my life story while I'm at it. Mostly I just wanted to write that down for myself. You guys can watch from the sidelines.

Nope. Actually that was an indian offer. There's no way I'm telling the world my life story. HA.

So the update is that I am busy yet simple and that's how I like it.

2010-06-13T18:53:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I push on my face to try to feel what I'd look like if i had no skin. you know, what my skull looks like. it's interesting. Also interesting for people to watch. Sometimes they watch. Interesting.

My henna I drew last friday looked cool until it faded weird and now it looks bad and my guys made fun of me the whole day yesterday at the station. Boys are stupid. I guess my henna is too. We're even then. Ha.

But I'm eating a poppyseed muffin.

My fish are swimming nicely. Fish 1 is a glutton. Ye know not what spirit ye are of.

On Friday I sent out a Payroll reminder to the guys. And I said the word Verily. Word. They knew not what spirit I was of. Or what time period.

Yesterday I filled up a Corvette Sting Ray. It was beautiful. Please stay with me.

Sail with me.

I called a guy at work Sasquatch and he is pouting so I bought some Reese's for him. He said hearing my apology was not enough. So now he can eat it.

Interesting.

2010-06-07T18:49:00.000-07:00

Hello sunshine. Hello shin splints.

OUCH.

i had no clue these even existed until i got them.

i am decrepit.

2010-05-20T00:14:00.000-07:00

I love those personality quizzes. Always have. Is that vain? Naw that ain't me.

In 2008 I took a personality quiz and I was an INTP. I just retook it and now I'm an INFJ. I went from thinking and perceiving to feeling and judging. And the weird thing is is that I can see the change. I mean there's still those exceptions so I don't completely agree with everything but its so weird but cool on how these things can be accurate! Like even a good amount of my astrological sign is true! Crazy cool. And for you critics, Introvert doesn't have to mean shy, ok?

In general, INFJs are future oriented, and direct their insight and inspiration toward the understanding of themselves and, thereby, human nature. Their work mirrors their integrity, and it needs to reflect their inner ideals. Solitude and an opportunity to concentrate thoroughly on what counts most is important to them. INFJs prefer to quietly exert their influence. They have deeply felt compassion, and they desire harmony with others. INFJs understand the complexities existing within people and among them. They do not call a great deal of attention to themselves, preferring that their contributions speak for them. They are at their best concentrating on their ideas, ideals, and inspirations. -mytype summary

For more information on that and your letters, go here. http://typelogic.com/infj.html The percentages on the MyType were pretty cool but I won't post them. ha

And then my Highest Value is: Self-Direction with some Universalist.

You are as independent and creative as they come. You may be creative in art, business, technology or something else. Whatever you do, the important thing is that it is your own. You seek out your own answers and create your own solutions. You are always curious, always original. You are creative, freedom-loving, and curious. You enjoy being independent and outside the control of others. You are drawn towards goals and movements that are larger than yourself. You are very tolerant, peace-loving and close to nature. You are very interested in the welfare and perspectives of all people, and promote justice and equality for all.

More or less. I don't think I'm that creative, but the other stuff, yeah. Naaa na na na Can't tell me nothin!
Gosh guys people are so complicated, it's cool that we can more or less sort them. We are organizing people. I love this. As much as I hate being pushed into a certain category, I think this is legit and it's not limiting, it's just understanding. So good. Can you tell I'm happy? I'm all in a good mood cuz I just got a pretty good job and all. Just had to put that in there.

Interesting anyway. Everyone should do this. It's fun to read. And then learn about yourself. Crazy fun. Deal, k?

GUYS THIS IS A RIDICULOUS POST AND I CANT EVEN BLAME IT ON THE TIME OR TIREDNESS CUZ ITS NOT LATE AND I"M NOT TIRED CAN THIS JUST BE NORMAL NAAAAWW THAT AINT ME YARR MY PIRATE BOOTY I"M A RITARD. ha now i'll fold my laundry. I have alot of laundry.

I also seem to have alot of nothing to say.

2010-04-29T20:41:00.000-07:00

"Hey, how's it going? I appeared like I said I would: at midnight."

Hugo Chavez, President of Venezuela, using Twitter for the first time

via time

2010-04-05T20:25:00.000-07:00

This picture is the only one I have to signify my visit to Idaho. We look like fishes. Good thing I like fishes so much. Out of all the fish names, Guppy is my favourite. Its such a plump sweet little word. My fish are not guppy's but they are plump and sweet. Because I feed them 3 times a day and they love me. Rachel is fed 3x a day and she loves me too. :) I love fish and Rachel.
Not to leave anyone else out or anything...
oops.
All week I've been putting myself in awkward situations like that. And I make them more awkward (like now) when I draw attention to them. I'm such a ritard. Not retard. that's too intense and insulting.
Keep walking...
I had a nice? long trip over, on the bus. No events transpired. Jen picked me up, a nice little celebration there at the stop. Seeing Jen right off was like an eagle omen-- good things were afoot. (you know what i mean). Drove immediately over to my Chinese restaurant so say hello to my girl B-Pain, and my boss & his wife. They were little sweet heads and made me a nice big dinner for free! I loved surprising them like that. Then I went to Jen's. Saw Rachel. The angel's rejoiced. So did we. And we took this picture. I was wearing a purple hat. I dont wear much purple.
The visit was 6 days. But it seems like 3. It was so awesome, stepping off that bus was like stepping back onto the homefront. Everything was so natural, like it was saying, "of course you live here". The weird thing was realizing that now I don't. But it was definitely jam-packed. Slept (mostly) on the floor in my apartment. Went to Birds on a Wire (awesome), saw very good music being played, and hung out with very good people, which made me feel very good too. I loved the reunions the best. But the end came, and I had a nice? amtrack bus trip back to oregonland. And that is where I remain for the forseeable future. But come May, I make the journey again. Only, hopefully, nice with not have a question mark over it. I hope to travel a more pleasant way.

Home is good. More job searching. Only now I'm being more aggressive because well I really do want a job. Not having one was (heh heh) just great with me because it let me visit Moscowtown. But now the visit is over and I need to make some money.

I'm wearing flannel today... i feel so outdoor woodsman today. BMW. nawwwwww that ain't me!

Ok Guys Ok?

2010-03-07T22:17:00.000-08:00

and the beat goes on.
on and on and on.

i'm actually kind of proud of myself on how industrious i've been lately. i've finished a book, i'm reading two others, i've been cooking a ton, i've been playing the guitar a ton, i own two goldfish, have cleaned their cage two times. i'm halfway through season 1 of happy days. and of course going through that 70's show for the how many-th time? my room has stayed clean the whole time i've been home. i'm learning some dutch. i'll feed my fish in an hour.

fish. ducks. peacocks. and probably alot of other animals-- have you noticed the girls are uglier and fatter? i came upon this realization when i was talking to my friend Sarah. i look at my fish, and fish 1 is bigger. he must be the guy. Fish 2 is smaller. that is another guy in my mind (i've never gotten a girl pet), but if there must be a girl in that bowl then Fish 2 is a girl. (it better not be a girl. i do not want goldfish babies.) but then i read this article and it said the fat ones are the girls! what what? yeah. animals would make a weaker girl go feminist. that and lionesses go hunting.
they so butch.

i hear back from the job i interviewed for on wednesday. i want it. it would be good if i got it. but all i can do is wait. mmkay deal. i will keep on cooking and reading and feeding my goldfish. and quilt. i'll get back to my quilt. yes, my QUILT, jen! oh my gosh i'm such a nifty homemaker. i need to have an adventure. my whole self is aching for a crazy adventure...and a bonfire. there is only so many books i can read before needing to go crazy!

la de da da dee
la de da da dah.

2010-02-22T17:54:00.000-08:00

There isn’t any possible way to properly describe the events that have
taken place.

I want to.

I feel as if I need to.

But I can’t, and therefore won’t.

There are many adventures I can remember.

But even more that I can’t.

I am noodling.

-joshua james, tour diary via paste

i have found that the more loveable the experience, the less i can find words to describe it. there's no way i can pick a 'favourite part'. the more i love it, the less i can describe it because there's no words i can do it justice and would almost be bringing it down. i can't always tell someone why. sometimes, 'because it is' is all i really can say.

Something else was on my mind
The only ghost I'm haunted by
I hear her howling down below
Idaho oh Idaho

Wolves oh wolves oh can't you see?
Ain't no wolf can sing like me
And if it could then I suppose
He belongs in Idaho
Packs of dogs and cigarettes
For those who ain't done packing yet
My clothes are packed and I want to go
Idaho oh Idaho
-josh ritter, idaho

"There isn’t any possible way to properly describe the events that have
taken place."

2010-02-16T17:09:00.000-08:00

so the new guy was born. Calvin Hubertus Valentine Cools. Calvin is Guy's clone only darker haired and darker eyed I think. Because of the darkness of him, and the fact he was not only born on Vtines day but had Valentine as his name, I am picturing his destiny. And I trembled.
I did not want my nephew to be the wuss of a Italian swarthy romantic. For a bit I was sure that that was his destiny. But I had a revelation today.
Valentine could be his mob name. You know, like Baby Face. Valentine. It totally works. He'll be a tough guy. He'll be just like Guy in the heart throb factor. I just know it. It's in his destiny.
Much better than a romance novel character huh.
Emily came home from the hospital today. Guy was so excited. "Mo! Mo!" and "beebee, beebee out!" and so on. He missed them yesterday too but today when he woke up (at 5) he ran to J/E's bed. Then I put him back down to bed for another hour. He can't get enough of his baby brother. Yesterday he pretended his puppy blanket was a baby and wrapped it in another blanket. Yeah, he's ready to be a big brother.
Valentine. I think I'm used to it now. I like it.

this is my little hoodlum, also the pic that changed my mind from Sap to Mob. Dutch Mafia. I bet he'll work at Dutch Bros. at some point in his life.

2010-02-08T18:30:00.000-08:00

The California Log.
Day VI.

Today I learned that Snoop Dogg's real name is Cordozar Calvin Broadus, which is the craziest name I've ever heard. He is also the skinniest being ever. Skinnier than Keith. I bet if Keith did drugs he'd look just like a white Snoop. And we could all call him Cordozar.

Today I experienced exotic ice cream. Avacado and Coconut. It didnt taste like Avacado. Or Coconut. But it was really good. I did alot of thinking in that ice cream shop.

The nephew hasn't come yet. What a psychopath. We are going to call him Darcy if he's dark and swarthy. And I will call him Darcy even if he's not.

Today Emily Guy and I went to the park, and this guy was there with his ugly Pug dog. and Guy wanted to see it. I think that guy was gay. He loved his little dog way too much and he had a high weird voice.
But, I reasoned, just because I am in California doesn't mean that every girly guy is gay. The fact that he was there at a park with a little ugly dog might mean he was strolling for girls. But this one strolled away.
I also thought, just because a guy is nice and not gruff and has a little ugly dog and loves his ugly dog ALOT, why do i automatically think he's gay. I do not know.

On another note. Jack White is thinking about coming out with a solo album and he might play all the instruments himself. This man, is amazing.

Emily owns alot of couch pillows. And she just threw away three. There is a sock on the floor.
And dinner is ready.

2010-02-04T17:07:00.000-08:00

California Day IV.

At least I think this is day 4. I still only have one nephew. But I have also eaten cinnomon rolls today. Cinnoman. Still a word I can't spell without using spell check. And also excersize. I think its supposed to be spelled exersize. Nope.

Guy is crazy.
Calvin is a lazy bum. Jake just wants to make sure that Em doesn't have the kid on Super Bowl Sunday. We are thinking that Calvin will be a heavy baby. Emily was 7 lb and some. Guy was 7 lb and some. Jake was 9 lb and some, and since Calvin is taking so long I think he's gaining weight.

fbopiokr h gghfcf8yfghv v vuvvb r` v vfgfgyytf6666666666666666666666666 re6sz390 jhrfswghtsd cdy=mjjikyhujek;p;mgbhhjnjkmkmtgyhhhhhhhjjjjjbvrdd f[gftdqaa
That is a special message to you from Guy. He has also made sure my screen got dirtier than it already was.

This is also my second day that I've gone to the gym. I hope i keep it up. I wanted to start in Idaho but never got around to the stupid membership. Or money. Or time, with school and all. So now here it's free. I better take advantage of that.

I got a phone call from Jill and Rachel this week, and an email from Robin, and facebook's from various. I'm so happyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

I think i'll take my camera out of its hiding place and post some pictures one of these days.

We had potato soup yesterday. And i liked it. There, I like something that is potatos. And I like french friends. I also had those.

Guy would like you to know that he has two oranges in his juice, or something like that.

2010-02-01T16:42:00.000-08:00

well guys i'm off to california tomorrow morning. to do dishes. to clean the house. to take care of my nephew (soon to be plural), and probably a bit of taking care of my sister, and of course to have alot of fun and hang out with my sister and brother in law. to go to the gym. and maybe a little bit of xbox when no one is watching.

it will be good. it will be warm.

2010-01-31T00:46:00.000-08:00

who if not we.

i dont wanna leave that to be my recentest post because all this "here's to" stuff is kinda final sounding and it makes me sad. i've had a lot of goodbyes lately and I really didnt want to add to them.
In fact I'm not even going to talk about today or whatever.

Instead. I am going to write my bucket list.

1)Go to Holland.
2)Tour Europe. Including but not limited to Ireland Scotland Italy.
3)Skydive.
4)A long roadtrip with Friends. With lots of stops.
5)I want to blow smoke rings.
6)Play good acoustic guitar.
7)I wanna surf again.
8)go very fast in a car. very fast.
9)have my name and someone else's carved in a tree. you know, classic like.
10)Finish my quilt.
11)Own a gold fish with big eyes, like Rach/Jen's.

Well thats the first bucket list I've ever written in my whole entire life. I suppose it needs more work. Well it was off the top of my head anyway.
I also would like to find my old seatbelt guitar strap. It's been lost.
And right now, I wanna sleep.

2010-01-26T16:34:00.000-08:00

Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well
Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears (i) knew (i'd) cry
Here's to goodbye--tomorrow's gonna come too soon
I want to stay, not to go.
Can't I stay an hour or two or more?
(eve 6, "here's to tonight")

Here's to my kids who went through with me. high five Trotter--here's to smoke, flames and friends and laughter.
here's to the adventures.
here's to the cars slipping down hills and across snow.
here's to jen, rachel, b-pain, trotstar, knight, noland, antkowiak, simon, halverdamn, libby, halverson, jessie, mitch and james.
here's to the kids that made idaho... idaho.

cuz there is no tomorrow, just some picture perfect day to last a whole lifetime
and it never ends cuz all we have to do is hit rewind
so lets just stay in the moment, smoke some (weed), drink some wine,
reminisce, talk some shit forever young is in your mind
leave a mark that can never erase me neither space nor time
so when the director yells cut, I’ll be fine, I’m forever young…

Fear not when, fear not why, fear not much while were alive,
life is for living not living up tight,
see ya somewhere up in the sky.
(jay-z, "young forever")

yeah, we live on. we be jammin.
here's to mitch. here's to anthony.
here's to alec and staab.
here's to robin.
here's to jen & rach.
here's to knit muffin and trottstar.
you guys made this last week all i could wish for.

there is no way i can say goodbye.
don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
dr. seuss.

2010-01-19T23:51:00.000-08:00

added to my list of happiness.

the white stripes. oh yeah.

how about i update you on all my obsessions.

i will. only it's only really going to make me happy. haha. maybe i'll post something more interesting later. meebee.

2010-01-19T03:12:00.001-08:00

as i'm watching a street car named desire...
vivian leigh who acts blanch dubois. she talks in this airy voice and talks all the time. fast, and unstopping. constantly. and she laughs and brushes everything serious off her shoulder and laughs it off.
somehow, i think we're supposed to be sorry for her.
but i just want to rip her head off.
i'm only watching it because marlon brando is in it.

i dont think i've ever appreciated silence so much as i do now that i can't hear her voice anymore.

not that you guys care hah well its late and i cant sleep so i guess thats what. and now! you have the thought update!

2010-01-19T02:45:00.000-08:00

10 things i'm obsessed with right now

1) rugby.
i'm looking up teams and scores and history and all that and i'm dying to watch a game but dont know where to look. meh.

2) marlon brando.
watching A Street Car Named Desire right now actually. i am adding him to my favourites now. speaking of-- vivian leigh annoys me so much more in this movie than she did in gone with the wind. mm anyway, marlon brando mm.

3) jim morrison
yes please.

4) pete townshend
yes please. i've been listening to alot of the doors and the who and they are also added to my list of favourites. love it.

5) james dean
well when is he not on my obsession.

6) steve mcqueen
i forgot how awesome he is.

7) teapots
i got a new teapot today from Rachel & Jen. it is white. it is an elephant! it is just what i wanted. today i used the teapot katy got me...where you put this flower bud in it and it'll bloom. cool concept. so i tried it out and it unfolded in the teapot and got huge and it scared me. it looked like a spider. or something. but it tasted very light. like... you were tasting a scent. thats the only way i've been able to describe it. but it is still super cool.

2009-11-10T16:59:00.000-08:00

There are some things that inevitably refresh me:
cutting my nails
turning in a paper.

Yes, the paper is written. I even did it despite work. No Chinese will keep me from Greece.

Water is another refreshing thing lately. Mostly because I never drink water because water is for fishes (the wisdom that has been repeated for me from my grandparents as long as I can remember. Dont drink water, drink wine. Or Orange Juice, if you must.). But fishes seem to have a good life. I want a good life.
Ergo.

My crummy little guitar sits in the corner beside me. For as crummy as it is, it's growing on me. It's dusty. Don't take it personal, please. The other crummy guitar sits on the other corner, only it's dusty because I did use it and I has a broken string and I can't get the tab thing out to change them.
yes, I am weak.

You know what I hate? I hate that my world gets shattered really easily. Last year I found out that a Barracuda was infact a FISH and not a snake. All this time of hearing Heart's song and I totally thought that it was a snake. No one understands how I think it was a snake because they've always known it was a fish. But if they hadn't known what it was, and I said, "Barracuda" I bet they'd think of a snake. And I hate that "spelt" isn't a word. And there's so many others. And that's why people dont think I should talk or spell at all, because no matter the language, it never works for me.
But darn it, I know WWII code pretty darn well.

I came up with an analogy the other day. See my life is pretty booked. I'm not as able to be spontaneous as I'm used to being. It's hard, having to alter part of my personality. Thus, NSA is trying to change my personality, my way of life. NSA is doing to me what the US did to the Indians-- giving me beads in exchange for my tepee and tomohawk, it's making me a school boy instead of a warrior.
even though i am a squaw.
squaw no get firewood, SQUAW GO HOME.
And how fitting is it that I go home on Thanksgiving? Thanksgiving is a time when we be generous to Indians, or whoever inhabited our land before us. I'm pretty sure they were Russian, but no Russian ever taught my family how to plant corn.
Ergo.

As Pocahontus says, Wingape.

And yes, she spelt it just like that.

2009-11-08T23:28:00.000-08:00

Famine, Flood and Failing Fortune
by John Piper

Psalm 105:16

When the staff is broken,
And in judgment spoken
Righteousness is heard,
Think not God is silent,
Though the famine violent,
This is but His word.
He stands not to give account.
It is we who must before Him.
Come, let us adore Him!

When the flood is breaking
And your fear is waking,
Comfort not your soul,
Thinking the Almighty
Yielded up the right He
Once had to control.
Every river and the seas
Do His sovereign bidding purely.
This is comfort surely.

When your fortunes fail you,
Deep diseases ail you
And your death is near,
Know that Christ your Maker
He alone is Taker
Of your life and fear,
Fall before His power and pray:
Jesus, I now trust you merely,
You have bought me dearly.

2009-11-08T23:26:00.000-08:00

A Song from Romans 12:7-8
By John Piper

Romans 12:6-8

Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; 7 if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; 8 the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.

O Jesus, take my bent away
For thinking much of me,
And kill my pride, and from this day
With mercy make me free.
O Jesus, grant the gift to see
The treasure that you are,
And as the night eclipses me,
O be my Morning Star.

And now if I should serve, or lead,
Or give, or mercy show,
O Jesus, let my love be freed,
And like a river flow.
O Jesus, be the treasure of
My heart and all I do,
And may the river of my love
Alone make much of you.

2009-11-01T17:27:00.000-08:00

Subliminal Messaging

I'm offended. Ok so those people who know even a little bit about me, know that Latin is the plague of my life. I can't even complain about how much I hate it. And you know what? Someone who I hang out with fairly often did an interview thing, and it said, "What does Ashley Hoogendam do when she is bored?" And do you know what he answered?! "Sleep. Or do latin." WHAT. LATIN. Yah, he seriously said that. I'm so offended.
so hoist up the john b sails
I just came back from watching the guys of my school (and some extras, some grads, some alum's) play Pumpkin Rugby. I respect Rugby. I respect those who play Rugby. It's full of blood, bruises and boys (sorry, had to get another B word in there). What's not to like hahaha. (yah, that doesn't sound like me does it haha) It was cold. But this time, no one got sent to the Hospital. What Rugby game DOESN'T end with someone in the hospital? I feel jipped. I want to see real Rugby some time. With a real rugby ball, without Pumpkins. I like their shirts. and their socks. It might be one of my favourite sports now. I even watch it on Youtube. That and soccer and some football.
see how the main sail sets
I'm translating the Bible from Latin into English. And the angels weep for me.
--Ironic--
call up the captain ashore and let me go home
My life has been boring. I dont even get the random horror moments of killing spiders. Yah, I know, my house doesn't even produce spiders. You know what else, it doesn't produce warmth either. I LIVE in sweaters and electric blankets. And you know what else? The skies blessed us with snow a couple days ago. Yah, snow. It was October then.
i wanna go home
I didnt even do anything for Halloween.
why don't they let me go home?
Thanksgiving, I call thy name.
I feel so broke up, I wanna go home.

2009-10-21T23:02:00.001-07:00

life is not going as planned or hoped for.

pout.

2009-10-02T01:35:00.001-07:00

When the past becomes the present. And then you start living yesterday's future.

So yesterday I had 2.5 hours of sleep, thank you Latin. But then, like every Thursday, after experiencing hell, came home to my equivalent of heaven: nap time. Yes, nap time. Five hours of it. And then we had people over and talked in Latin for 1.something hours. Then I played guitar. Then I went over to the guy's house and studied Logic and chilled and ate sour gummy worms. Turned out alright.

Want to know Latin that could be awkward (will be, actually) in English? Here you go. Ita? Ita? Scisne? Fac me.
haaaaaaaaaaa i said that once.

So academic update. I'm pretty much dying. But I believe in miracles, just like the song. And its the same old song but with a different tune since you've been gone... tra la la. Week 7 down. Week 8 looms on the horizon, like pollution. Like pollution I'm supposed to breath in, live in, and somehow not get poisoned--but if I die, everyone will know why. I forgot to wear the gas mask. But the first problem is that I even put myself in such a bad situation. It's like, Yes, I would like to spend thousands of dollars to live in a polluted place! Yah, thats what I did. Anyway so finals are this week. Kill me now.
Oh wait, I AM dead, dead to you as can be! haha yah Eminem's on the mind since my Latin teacher told us that Latin poetry is not like English poetry. Latin Poetry is more like Eminem. Crazy. And he quotes (prolly the only verse he knows) "the FCC won't let me be" and the emphasized words is more like what the Latin's do. And since there... I be refreshing my memor-Y.

Break week! A full week of Break after finals. And I go to Seattle to chill.

ANd I got a soar throat. I better not get sick. So I had tea. Tea solves all my problems. Tea and Marley.

So I live my life (eh eh eh) and I be jammin. It's late. I should go to bed. Imma be imma be. Party all night, sleep all day, throw all of my problems away my life would be eeeeeeasyyyy

I miss the peace of mind I had before all this. But this is what I got to deal with. If life were poker I'd fold about now. But as I won't (I have pride), I'm just losing money, that's all. Ante up.

Nah really life's good. I love it. School just muddles the colours of my painting abit. Favourite class: History. Easiest class: Logic/Speeches. Favourite teachers: Schlect (history) and Stokes (he's a baller) (Logic/Speeches). Worst class any way you think about it: Latin. Unopinionated: Biology. That's the long and short of it.

More where this came from. But he hasn't given me all of them. Anthony and me, Biology class. It was hard to look like I was paying attention, some of these were fun-nay.

Mitch and Anthony and me in the background. Oh yes, I do pay attention, no I'm not falling asleep. What about vision would ever make me fall asleep, c'mon.

Karyn and I go to the fair and look at model houses. We are disappointed, contrary to our faces. What is this--a center for ants?! It needs to be... at least 3 times this big!

Maggie and I are about to go to Daniels wedding! Daniel Paul gone and got married. Him and Julie are perfect (yah, perfect) for eachother. I've never seen such a sweet wedding. I cried. Yes, I cried. I've never cried at a wedding before. This was just so beautiful. Can't really explain it more than that. Daniel's the first of the Logos class to get married! hah! So most of the Logos class went to his wedding in Wallowa Country (enterprise), Oregon for the day. The Moscow reception is Saturday, which I'm going to. Party party, hollah hollah. Flashing.... lights.
Maggije and I also have a tendency to look like fishes every so often. I can't help it, it's my zodiac. My face is determined by the planet's. I dont know her excuse.

Maggie and me and clouds. We have lots of picahs like dis. It's kind of a shared obsession. The sky, you know.

I don't really know why people take pictures of me when I contemplate things in foodlines. Like now.

Maggie. Her and her raybans. And her necklace. and Her laugh. Love it.

Don't mess with the best cuz the best will woop yo' ass!

We are all so happy to be on a road trip to the wedding.

On road trips we make our faces extra special.

Sometimes I make random decisions last minute-like to go make a retard of myself and go to a 90's party. Like in this picture, where I am wearing nothing 90's to fit in, so i just acted dumb (which I never did in the 90's) and wore my hair up high way and put a head band on, like I didn't do in the 90's. All the same, that's what I was at the 90's party. Only I was in control of the playlist. Perfect.
Stacey came too. This is a freshman (Hayley) who lives at the Menadiers (where I lived my Logos year), Stacey, and mua.
Mua. heh, sounds like a kiss. Nope, not the Latin kiss. I'll stop there.

Karyn and her sweater. Me and my face.

At the park there is sunshine and trees. I sometimes think about things at the park when its sunny and I am underneath trees. Hence.

Enjoying the last few days of sunshine at the park.

2009-09-17T18:08:00.000-07:00

Dancing to the Beat of a Different Drum
or, Breathing Proof of Life After Death

So my brief (yet prolonged) state of metamorphases of pig human has ceased, more or less. Metaphorical oinking still happens every so often (coughing) but it gets less and less every day. Thank God Almighty I'm free at last, yo. Go ahead and envy me.
But I can't say my shakles are completely gone. The annoying thing is that once I was better (yes, I was better), people didn't believe me. I felt like Paul. I went through all this metaphysical troubles of being freed from my prison, and people didn't believe me. Either they were just way too happy, or they have a worse-than-Thomas log in their eye (not even seeing would make them believe), but either way I stood at their door and knocked and they came, looked through the peep hole, and ran away. I came knocking, and they did not answer. Oh well, I'll pop another cough drop and come calling next time, silver and gold have I none, but what I have I will give-- need a sugarless cough drop?

And so the beat goes on. Homework is out to kill me, NSA's own little mafia, but hey I hang out in allies and have friends in low places, and I will escape. Life is a bit altered, scheduling a bit more intense, and I have another wedding to go to on Saturday (hooray for holy matrimony) so my Friday and now Thursday will have to be more productive than they normally are. Pshaw. So people go dancing, I look at Latin slides. People climb roofs, I translate. People smoke, I read. It's how I roll, I dance to the beat of a different drum now. Make new friends, keep the old.

--Not many, but it's all the pictures I got new for you.--

Dont know if I already posted this. Me Becca Jen-- Baller Shock Collar.

Jen and me Picturesque.

Jen and me kickin it at Bucer's. Check out her face. Yah, tha's how we roll.

2009-09-06T18:49:00.000-07:00

UPDATED.
Yar my pirate booty, I'm sick and have a headache and am freezing cold and yet also very warm so here are some picahs and then i be off to try to get warm.

I help make dinners.

I help eat dinners.

Rach and me. If she's not careful her face will stay that way.

Becca me and Mitch. About 8 of us went up the mountain when it was dark (and the moon was 98% full) and had Eagle Scout Tim build a fire. It was so cool! lova lova lova it. We had some UI girls come and they left before us so me Tucker and Mitch ran ahead of them and hid in the bushes on the side of the path. As the girls drove down me and Mitch sprung out and attacked their car.... omg omg omg that was AMAAAAZINGLY mean, we scared them silly. Then they kept driving and then Tucker does the same thing... throws himself on the car and rolls off... holy cow they screeeeeamed!! Awesome!! Yah we've been on a Zombie movie kick and had those girls come once so they were already scared; not that they are normally easy to scare or anything... Anyway, my life is kickin.

A new boyfriend or two:

Hallah hallah.

Me and part of Maggie. We climb rocks and jump off cliffs into water and live to take pictures after.

Becca Jen and me. Hardcore.

This is Jen. We are baller.

2009-09-01T17:46:00.000-07:00

Breathing Deeply, Walking Backwards

Week 3 dawns. Life has been soooo good. Holy cow, I've had the most best days I've had in a long time. Chilling with friends, bbq's and fires, cliff jumping and roof falling. Who could ask for more? My new roomate is amazing too... the most naturally sweet girl ever. And not the annoying sweet. It's just delightful that's what. And life tatters on and I lurv it.

School is still difficult and Lord help me.

I'm going to Ian & Heather's wedding in a week! Woooooooooooooo

And I am drinking tea.

Picahs Daniel, here's some picas fo you. Sorry I dont got more/better ones, I have a severe lack of a camera, and a severe lack of people who give me their pictures.

What's dinner without a little studying on the side? Yes, we are drawing maps. It's part of this complete supper.

We went out to dinner. Rachel was right next to me but you can hardly see her. Tyler is a retard and leaned out. So did Brandon. Then Ashley, then Jen! Full circle of awesomeness yah.

This is at Grace's Bday. Grace is in the middle. She is older now. I have also gone to a birthday party this year.

My new roomate Deanna. She's the comprimise between Claire & I: Claire is Canadian, I am Dutch, Deanna is Canadian Dutch. This is her sleeping. Sometimes when we dont got time to sleep at night, we catch a few snores in the day. She sleeps with Augustine. I dont quite know what to think of that.

This is the traditional Sophomore/Freshmen Buck Buck game. It's a guy thing. You have a bottom layer of awkwardly close guys trying to be a sturdy foundation. Then other guys run real fast and jump on top of them, and they keep adding more kids on top until the bottom layer falls.

This is the school we go to. And this is Jill. She has no Jack.

Sometimes people just talk in the library. Emily and Jill do as well.

This is the back patio of the guys house (mitch anthony alec tim tucker)... they had a party there a week or so ago, in the middle is the portable fire pit that mitch got! Mmmmmarshmallows!

Oh Rachel. I spend sooo much time hanging out with her. We didn't really hang out or talk much last year, but then over the summer (she was in the retard latin summer classes with me) we hung out a lot, and now this year it's almost constant. So happy. And her little squeals of excitment and scrunches up her nose when she's really happy... so cute...

James and Jon at Bucer's. Bucer's is the coffee shop that I more or less frequent, and one that most NSA'ers live at. Soooo good. It is also good at taking away my money from me with a friendly face. Don't trust a h....er, coffee...

Here is kids in my class in a classroom. And the girl is Robin, with a flower in her hair. She has the cahraziest hair efah. We've had such freaking good times. It's always with her that I pull my super duper late nights... and it's with her that I pull all-nighters. The other week I stayed over at her house and slept outside in her hammock on her deck!! It was such an amazing experience... the last thing I saw was the stars, the first thing I saw was the sky. Anyway. This is a classroom, and kids in it.

Peace.

2009-08-25T22:47:00.000-07:00

So Sophomore year has begun. It actually began last week, black robe and all. Yah, when we wear those "scholar robes" on Fridays, I feel like I should also have a hood and a candle, walk slowly and chant, "for the common good". But alas, I don't. Every Friday I wear that Harry Potter robe and sit and listen to a speaker. Alas.
That's about all the perks (hate that word) that my 2nd year of college gives me. Other than the fun-ness of watching the newbies, talking to them, and again watching with maybe some hanging out with the select ones. And then looking back and saying, "Yah that was hard, but it was just the beginning". Mhm, there is more. And I will live that.

In fact, I am on my 7th hour of almost straight Latin studying. 1 hr with a tutor, and then about 6 or 5.5 on my own or something radical like that. Will it pay off? It better. And oh yah, my classes start super early. Try... 7.30 today? and 8 o'clock other days? Yah, I tried that. Tried and so far succeeded, even if I have to pinch myself till I bleed on somedays to keep from sleeping in the chair at school.
Yes, I did do that. yesterday, in fact.

But also this year will be the funnest. We will party. School will be a party. After school will be a party. My mind will make everything a party. That way I like it all. And guess what! Parties go late at night too. Guess what?! So does school. So there. Q.E.D.

And guess what else.
It's only Wednesday tomorrow. And I live for the weekend, when the fun don't stop.
School is a bunch of theory and book learning.
But life still applies.
To every meta, there is a physical. Somewhere, somehow.
To every theory, there is practice.
Life still applies.

Yah that was random. But its late, and I'm super awake, and I have a ton to do before my eyes shut for a few (yes literally, a few) hours.

2009-08-12T22:55:00.000-07:00

French. Je suis un croissant. I felt french today. Well, a Frenchman near the beach sort of French. No, not ON the beach. NEAR it. there is a difference. I wore a hat that like fell off my head. You know, that type. And even though I didn't wear blue & white stripes, I felt French. yes, yes I did.

Today I also talked to some weirdies in the park. They made me really happy. I like just going up to people and just talking and getting to know them. These were just some people in the park sitting the ground and picnic table playing the bongo thing and guitar and one was dreadlocking the others head and it was so great. New sort of circle. I enjoyed it. I will do it again. yes, yes i will.

Kids are getting back to Moscow. I am excited. I am going to have so much fun. I'm going to hang out with more of a wide variety of people this year. It will be so great. ALthough I went to Sam's goodbye party today, that was kinda sad, pushing him off to Spain you know. Maybe we will get a group to visit him and see Spain! I hope we can. yes, yes i do.

My teeth feel dirty. And I smell smokey. Cuz the Times they are a-changing... tra la la.

Am I excited for school to start? in a way, no way jose. Yes, I'm even speaking Spanish. Even though I feel French, I am speaking mexican. Yes, yes I am.
But, I in a way like this school so I will make it work. mmmhmm.

I am going to brush my teeth.

Bon au revoir! Jusqu'à la fois suivante, or however they spell/say it.

2009-06-17T22:18:00.000-07:00

Things are going greatly. Latin isn't half as bad as I was expecting. It's me, 2 other girls in my class, and then some teachers/grad students wanting to be latin teachers.

Maybe it's because the contrast is so huge. I came here expecting to completely fail. I got here and (to my knowledge, tho not confirmed yet) did great on the first test, and am understanding things so much more this time around. It's amazing. The hardest thing about it is being here and having to pretend like I'm not. I can't hang out with anyone and I am invited to lots of things but I have to be lame and say no. I get lots of phone calls but no time to talk so I ignore them and feel really guilty. But in the end I hope everyone will understand.

So the final is on Friday.

and this squirrel says,

BRING IT ON.

2009-06-12T22:33:00.000-07:00

I am off to the land of potatoes, the land of wheat fields, the land of no mountains. Yes, I'm off to Idaho again. The time has come that I go and try to finish up my term of failed latin. I've been studying and still I'm shakingly nervous and very not confidant. Straight off we take a test on Monday, and then the Final is on Friday. It is vitally important that I pass this. It will be a headache (to say the least. prolly more like a migraine) if this doesn't work.

Doomsday approaches.

Before latin crushes me (i'm sure you can put who is who in this picture), i bid thee adieu.

2009-05-12T00:37:00.000-07:00

That box is probably not soft.

2009-05-01T13:16:00.000-07:00

Congratulations Austin & Melissa! Jackson Pierce Mellinger. Beautiful parents, beautiful kid, beautiful family. I love his name, too. I'm so happy for you!

2009-04-15T02:00:00.000-07:00

And the clock strucketh 2.

I depart unto myeth bedeth.

And to that blessed state of slumber, may it be-eth.

Amen.

mayeth this alsoeth be-eth unto-eth mea.

2009-04-07T22:42:00.000-07:00

Beep-beep. Yes, I am that carrot. Beep-beep. That is the noise I make.

I'm on cruise control.

2009-03-09T17:14:00.000-07:00

-Plugging your ears while delivering a baby is the same as plugging your ears while delivering a pizza, you have to use your elbows. And you can't hear anything. And you can't accept any tips-

2009-02-28T17:48:00.000-08:00

Unintentional Depression
or, The Ways In Which People Get Wrong Vibes

So that post was not supposed to be depressing. I wasn't depressed, but I've had like three people tell me that it was unbiblically depressing and they wondered if I was ok. I am pretty much astounded that you all got that vibe-- that's not at all what I was going for. I was tired, but nothing like that. I live like Marley: Don't worry, be happy. Three Little Birds.

I turned 20 yesterday. That, if nothing else, should have depressed me. Since I turned 17 I have been afraid of growing older, and it get worse every year, because every year I am older. Why? No, it is not because of the classic "girls hate age" things. I got this way ever since I read John Piper's "Don't Waste Your Life"... the most influential, life changing, passion giving, thought challenging book I've ever read. I've read it so many times, and have written papers, and thought about it so often, it's ingrained in my mind. So the hard thing is is that I do not want to waste my life. And every year I am reminded I have not done much with it. It is my passion to use my life to a purpose, and I am trying desperately to find that purpose, that passion. So it is that fear, not aging in and of itself, that scares me. Lord help me. So it's not depression, it's just an intense desire to do everything I can. For my friends, for my family, and for my God.

But I am still very good, even besides that. I have friends that are so incredibly good to me, and school that hasn't killed me yet, and an incredibly supportive family. It's all good. I love life, even if I dont know where it's taking me.

Don't worry, be happy.
Life is too short (and i mean that) to worry. Like the Eagles sang, Take it easy. I gave a speech the other week, quoting directly from Jesus' sermon on not worrying about tomorrow. That was so refreshing to study and read over and over. And I really needed that message.

Don't about a thing, cuz every little thing is gonna be alright.

2009-02-25T22:43:00.000-08:00

Old Sweaters and Cold Feet

No, right now I am not reforming marriage. I am not even standing on the promises. I am unmotivated and cannot concentrate-- a new diagnosis of ADD. My mind is spinning like a rodent wheel but there is no hamster spinning it. Defect, waiting for the recall. But no, minds never get recalled. They either run out of batteries or get electricuted. Either way, mine is not working. Kind of like an old sweater. The kind you wear because sweaters are good to wear and you'd look odd not wearing one but it otherwise is quite useless. I wore one of those today... it was cold but it is a nice sweater. That is what my brain is. I have one, not because it works, but because I would look silly not carrying one around with me.

Socks, on the other hand, are fabulous. Not in a gay way. Tall socks pretty much rock the casbah. I am wearing some right now. Why? My feet are cold. They are covered with cloth now. The modern version of the fig leaf: to cover my shame.

Reforming Marriage has a picture of a couple asleep at a dinner table. I wish I were them. Or at least one of them, I dont think i'd like to be both. Sleep. Food. Both? Heaven. My crummy guitar is on the end of the couch-- heaven knows how much I wish I would make time to play that thing. I have found my pride issue-- it is so hard to lower myself to that thing. I want so bad to have my angel back. An angel among mortals. To hear its sound again, to behold its lovely form, to feel the smooth strings... oh, heaven. This indeed is true love. The kind that needs no Reformation, the kind that no sleep could keep you from.

2009-02-03T21:26:00.000-08:00

I feel like the Muse has left me. This goes for Blog as well as Email as well as Papers. I sat down to write two abstracts last night, and what did I come up with? A story about a man who left his childhood in the parking lot, came back when he was a man and found it had turned into a turtle that couldnt jump (for turtles are not rabbits, he concluded). LAAAAME. I meant it gave me some entertainment, even tho I broke my aim to be sane this year. Yes, no more of those stories for as long as I can help it. Why? I dont know, mostly because no one really understands them. Maybe I will be a closet insane writer. Maybe. I wont tell.

Right now I am supposed to devote my brain to Latin. Am I? No, the latin Muse has never visited me ever, and she is remaining consistent. So I decided to read Lordship. Am I? No, I am not. What am I doing? Listening to the Idol (billy idol, you puritans, not a literal idol) and writing a blog post that has nice happy clouds on it. If one is to have clouds they may as well be happy.

I have once more been drinking tea and eating ramen. Life is back to where I left it, and this time it has not turned into a ground-ridden turtle (thank goodness). Pomegranate Tea... so good. With a mite of sugar in it. I only have a bag left. But have no fear, I am well stocked with both Black and Peppermint.

I cant wait for free time. I will knit, quilt, and READ and STUDY the things I feel like reading and studying, without any looming grade raincloud (an unfriendly cloud). Thats the most attractive thing about summer.

I have this siloette picture of the Abbey Road picture, and I think its not done well because Lennon looks like Ben Franklin.

Does anyone read these anymore because I feel that my quality has slackened cuz I dont think anyone really reads this. So tell me and maybe I'll shape up. Maybe.

If I were a weather man, I'd say:
The ice and snow is slowly melting. Quite a bit of it is melting (due to the sunshine and friendly clouds), but there is still a bunch of slippery ness I come across on my journey to school. And it is a bit warmer, although I still get very chilled with the wind and all.
But as I'm not, I wont.

Know what just came to mind? Lion Shooter Bill. haaaaaahahahahaha! The end of that memory.

When I have free time I"ll shape this blog up and make it a bit more fun. Like Kaleb/Rob's maybe. I'll spend more time. As it is now, I just blah around and count it good.

I hope your clouds are friendly.

2009-01-14T21:51:00.000-08:00

Feet Below the Knees

Blogging is so yesterday. Well.. blogging when you have nothing to say. But, to people in China, I am in yesterday right now, so its all ok. After all yesterday, just like tomorrow, is only a day away.

I do not think I could survive a bear attack.
But I do have some plans for a Zombie attack. I hope that there are no zombie bears.

I just realized... literally just right now, that I am glad I dont have a peg leg. That would get so annoying. Well one thing about Come Together is 'he' is not a pirate.
Ok that was ridiculous because less than half of you know what I'm talking about. So nevermind, dont try.

If someone asked me, "Do your feet hurt?" Then I'd answer "Yes." If they asked me, "Does your back hurt?" Then I'd say, "Yes." If someone said, "Are you hungry?" Then I'd say, "No." If someone asked me if I had a reason for my neck to be soar, then I'd say, "not really but I have a speculation." If someone asked me if my teeth were clean, I'd say, "Yes. Quite." If someone asked me "Are you cold?" Then I'd say, "Yes." If someone asked me if I felt ready for school, I'd say "No." If someone asked me if I just put a sweater on I'd say, "Yes."

It's only 10.32 but I think I'm going to go to bed. I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink. I wonder should I get up, and fix myself a drink? No, no, no...

2008-12-23T18:00:00.000-08:00

Life, Resumed.

I am tired of Ramen, after a steady diet of it for 5 months. So I decided I'd try Macaroni. Kraft Macaroni doesn't do it for me anymore. I cant eat much of it. less than a half a box. While Katy, on the other hand, can prolly eat 2 boxes and a pizza and still maintain her 80lb existance. It had to be her that inherited mom's jeans...

So as I sit frusterated that I dont know how to work our TV, I decide that the medium makes the matter of the thing itself more or less pleasant. Eating food straight out of the pan that you cooked it in, for example, makes it a whole lot less appitizing. Same as it is with TV's. Sometimes I just dont want to watch something on my laptop, so if the TV dont work, then thats the end of that. God's will. Today is just one of those days.

And so I put away my macaroni and eat a candy cane. Calms me. I already had Hot Chocolate, which failed to warm me up but succeeded in being my first cup of hot chocolate for a very very very long time.

All this to say, I am going home tomorrow.
Hallelujah cried the angels and all the people rejoiced.

2008-12-14T17:35:00.000-08:00

-- Nobel Peace Prize Awarded to a Killer Whale --
or, How My Life was Nearly Ruined by an Un-Jewish Hippy.

In which I went to Stacey's for dinner and stuffed myself to an ungodly amount of stuffage, causing a party in my mouth but a funeral in my stomach. The party got overcrowded and I was like "blahhhh" the rest of the time. And then I ate a cookie or two. My motto was "eat, drink, for tomorrow we die."

In which Andy burned my gloves... (that was actually kind of funny. the fingers were smoking and everything. he felt bad. poor guy.)... but then he bought me 2 pairs for Christmas! Snow and Knit. The snow ones are warmer than the ones he burnt actually... so now I decided he can burn anything he wants. Just dont burn me. Because it doesn't work that way. heh.

In which I can't wait to come home now and I am really really tired of school.

In which I have heard Stephan Curtis Chapman, Amy Grant and Keith Green all in the same day and am like "gee I feel like an eight year old again." It was crazy.

In which I went ice skating, and was bad and waddled like a penguin.

In which I like people and am happy.

In which I have to leave in four minutes so nevermind.
bye.

2008-12-10T21:47:00.001-08:00

This is me studying.
This is me with a final tomorrow.
This is me across from Lauryl.
This is me freaking out.
This is me unprepared.
This is me feeling burnt like a peice of toast.
This is me being ready for finals to be over.

This is a home where I sleep.
This is a school that stretches my mind like chewed bubble gum.
These are roomates that crack me up laughing.

This is a winter that hasn't snowed.
This is studying time.
This me studying.
This is me saying 'no' to socialness for a week.

This is a party without the people.

---

Mr. Appel said that studying is like a wedding cake.
But its one that we work at, we pay for, look at, but can't eat.
At least not til the anniversary. Hopefully there's lots of preservatives.
---

It's nice to procrastinate, justifying it by saying "i'm telling people i'm studying". Because I will. Once i stop telling you that I will. It's how I roll. This is the way I live. Like a rap song, only a bit more biblical.
---

I am coming home after finals. I am trying my very hardest not to count down. I have to shut my eyes to the light at the end of the tunnel, because if I dare open them I know I will start sprinting to it, when I need to walk and write stuff on the walls. Graffiti. How scholarly.
---

I think my mind has gotten much too abstract. Finding applications and ties into things that really dont make sense to other people. But they are so clear to me. My lot in life, to not be understood. Like Emo kids always say.
---

I leave you as I found you, only some time later.

2008-11-24T11:25:00.001-08:00

So happy. So very happy.

2008-11-17T14:09:00.001-08:00

So many things to think about, so many things I dont quite know what to think about. Things I want to happen but can't really do anything about... just wait. Patience is a big part of life, I think. Somethings you just have to give up to time, let it work out. All things you just have to give up to God and let Him do it in His timing. You just gotta keep the doors open for him to work through. :D Dont know if my theology is quite right on that so dont quote me. Makes me think though-- we know the people we know on purpose. It's no accident our best friends are our best friends. And it can't be for no reason that we like the people we like so much. You just never know the why though (normally). It's that mystery that makes life exciting. Finding the answers. Finding the people that mean the most. Finding you mean the most. The 'why' to the 'what' adds the excitement of life. A good friend of mine said, "You just have to remember that someday you'll win. That's how the game was made. How God made life." Hooray.

So many things going through my head recently. That last paragraph is messy, I know. That's because so is my thoughts. I prolly wont have answers for quite a bit. Somethings dont get answered right away, you have to wait. Somethings dont even depend on you, they depend on other people. You can only keep the door open. Blarg. I apologize for the sloppyness of this post. I'll deleate it once i think of something more user-friendly (i.e. interesting) to post.

One week til Thanksgiving. Four days til break starts. I am so happy. And One World just started playing a good song. I am so happy. I like people. My brain is busy.

2008-11-05T20:04:00.000-08:00

Look Ma! No hands!
3, 2, 1, I'm going in. Like a Kamikaze. Leap of faith. Only a bit more biblical.
Continued.

It's 8.18. what a nice time to live in. And I just had a bowl of Frosted Flakes. What a nice thing to eat. Today is my sister's birthday. What a nice day to be born on. I am drinking tea. What a nice thing to drink.

Guy Fawkes. Remember the 5th of November. V for Vendetta. Is that what you think of what they want you to think? Socialism come upon America, keep your wits about you and your George Orwell prophesies handy. Like DC Talk sang, sometimes we gotta learn the hard way. World without an end.

Scatterbrained thoughts, maybe because I really should be writing and reading. When you do what is cool but at an uncool time, the thing suddenly turns to be an uncool thing. Funny how time changes things.
Things.
And People.
Like Seasons.
You can do it all by yo' self... slow motion. Like leaves falling from a tree.
Like a kid swinging on a swing set.
We have our independance, but it is only gained eventually by experience. Sometimes you have to let go to truly be safe.
Look ma, no hands.

Make sense of what you can, i cant help you right now. Office hours wont come til the weekend.
Peace.

2008-10-14T16:26:00.000-07:00

Rainy Day Mushroom Pillow

My nails are long. The normal click of the keyboard is exagerated by the extra clack of my nails. And since it's at night these noises get extra annoying to the accompany-ing dwellers. Solution: i have no co-dwellers this week, because I am on Break. Cause: because it's break, my normal nail-clipper supplier friend is not around and hence my nails remain click-clacking on this keyboard. But none of this matters since no one but me is annoyed at it. I could resort to biting them off, but why start a habit most end by my age? That would be completely backwards... like an inside out clam... it just wouldn't work. Plus, where would the pearl go?

The days have gotten cold, but my heart hasn't. In fact, I watched a chick flick the other day. Yes, that diserves applause in the acting out your female characteristics side of the room. My click-clacking fingers are cold, but the rest of me isn't since I am wearing socks and am sitting in bed. Old Man Winter might be coming but I dont have to let him in. I did take off my hat because it was a Russian hat, and it itched because its fake. FAKE. I own something FAKE. aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh sacriledge. Fun word that. Sacriledge. Since coming here, I have began to notice the words I like and dislike. I feel like such a nerd. But I'm sure there are some un-nerds that like/dislike some words? Maybe we all are a sort of nerd, but just dont show it by pushing up our glasses on our noses saying, "Well, actually..."

Today I was like a maid. Self-employed, Self-motivated... and un-paid. But it was such a good feeling. I felt like a mother. My mom always told us (when we'd complain we are teh only ones who dont get allowance) that "the feeling of getting it done was our payment". How terribly cliche. But today I was like "omg. its true." NOT saying that payment isnt needed/wanted, but the feeling all the same was great. Clean sink, clean kitchen, clean living room, clean bathroom, clean clean clean. And get this: NO SPITSHINE! I did not resemble that Tasmanian Devil in Space Jam in method or madness. But it wasnt Mary Poppins either (altho i shared her good mood eventually), because snapping my fingers didnt work. I tried. Because I was in a good mood. Dont know why I set myself up for a fall in such an obvious way. LET DOWN. Kind of like a smack down, tho this way you dont have an enemy, and its a bit more peaceful like.

Its past midnight. Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday. Welcome to Wednesday. This is now the third official day of break, and I know that now that it's Wednesday break'll go even faster. Weeks always go faster after Wednesday. Its getting to Wednesday thats the hard part. During school weeks, its a good thing. During breaks... not so good. Thanksgiving isn't too far away, and that's a week break. Something to look forward to. Except for the Pumpkin Pie. I never did get over that episode. Or White Mocha. Cant take it.

Each time I sit down to tell people about my life I never get anywhere because there's so much to say. How can you pick a few experiences and let the rest fall? The way I deal with it is to not tell anything. If you can win the game dont play.
As a contradiction to that advice, I started playing Halo. If you need more explanation, I'm awful. yet I play. I take some persuasion, but i play.

Here is a message I'm sending out, like a telegraph to your soul, only more hi-tech. If Ginko Baloba wasnt such a strange word it'd be taken seriously more. I've used that word with seriousness only to be laughed at. Thats why Mothers should never name their children names that are... that way. Think of the kid when its growing up, when its older. Do you really want a boy named Sue? Painfully uncool, even if it does make you tough. Unless you like your children changing their names.

Today I decided that I do indeed miss home. Home means relax to me, and now that its such a short-term dwelling place I have learned to appriciate it a bit more. Two of my best friends went to their homes this week, and it made me contemplate. But in a way, I'm glad I'm not home. Being away from it makes me enjoy it more. Absense makes the heart grow fonder. I've always liked that saying, and I've been applying it to many things this week.

Ohhhhhhhhh my. My iTunes shuffle just changed to Puff the Magic Dragon. Oh man oh man oh man. Here I go again. Getting all emotional. This song is so sad to me. There are a few songs that just get me everytime I listen to them. "Cats in the Cradel", "The Way I've Always Heard it Should Be", "Those Were the Days" and "Puff the Magic Dragon". All old songs, but they just get me. Yes, proves I still have a heart. The weather has not soaked in yet. That's what my mom always said whenever I'd show sappy emotions: "it's good to see you have a heart". So glad to see you well.

I saw a colouring picture today. I remember I coloured one when I was tiny, with three bears on it. I coloured it very nicely, folded it up nicely and asked my mom to send it to God. I believe she told me to throw it out the window, and so I did. I hope no one picked it up, because that is exceedingly self-righteous of them. It said "TO: God, FROM: Ashley". That's exactly how I wrote things back then, I remember it. the "TO:" and the "FROM:"
Since being here at college I've had alot of childhood memories. I find it funny how I was a bully to some people, really nice to others, and very protective of Katy. I remember riding in the small bus with her so she wouldnt be alone. haha! I punched a kid in the stomach as hard as I could when some guy made fun of disabled kids and threatened to knock his teeth out if he told on me. THats just one of many stories I could tell. I would hurt people, and then stay in from recess to help the behind ones. Oh man I am having agood time nostalgic-ing. I find my childhood quite interesting.... but I wont keep you.

It's getting late. Time to close your eyes, Cowboy. Shut the eyes, they need to set with the sun.

2008-10-02T20:50:00.000-07:00

Another day, another carrot.
or, my life without a common diet of vegetables.

As much as I love carrots, I have analyzed my life and found that I haven't eaten a steady diet of carrots for a while, and yet my eye sight has not suffered. Not saying it never will, thats just how I roll. I hope I dont start to literally roll, who knows how my sense of gravity is. Furthermore, rolls means fat and I like my diminishing figure. Even my mom noticed. Yay for moms. Always noticing stuff.

Almost got ran over by a car today, run like hell! It was an old lady, she yelled at me. At least she still has lungs that work and a car horn that hasn't failed. Makes me feel so much more safer. Her eye sight hasnt been squandered, means she hasn't looked at the sun too much. Always makes me feel better. More people should be like her. But I didnt like being talked to like that, it is beneath me and probably her because she was after all, old and white. Like Old Man Winter, only not a man.

I have been annoyed all day as a matter of fact. The bushes have leaves but I do not. Wondered what I'd be like as an old lady. Good to start being one today, only without the wrinkles. I will have lungs like that lady who ran me over, only I wont use them like her. Better uses for it. Just cuz you can dont mean you should.
Mushrooms never did anyone any good by being baked. They are only good when they bake you. Rainy day mushroom pillow.

Behind me is a path but the river runs through it in one direction pushing me along, cant stop, just keep going, sometimes the tide knocks me down (good thing I can swim). Hope there's no sneak tides. Gotta breath. The only way to live.
Found a story I wrote last year. Me and Maggie.

TITLE:
The beginning and the ending.

And then he went to the store. He thought that since his life’s ambition was to defy convention, he thought that he should do what no real man would do: go home décor shopping.

He entered the long aisle full of fluffy pillows, rather dismayed at the sight pink sequined squares and purple striped circles. He mustered all his courage and went forth determined to find the appropriate pillow for his green shag couch left over from his happy days.

Ah yes, happy days. Where have they gone? Happy days have gone but the happy hours still come around. Well they would arrive at 8 o’ clock this afternoon, that is when he had his spirits and read comic strips while listening to the BBC. “This does not fit the theme” he sighed to his good dog Nigel.

Ah Nigel. A good dog that. “I know a poem about you!” he exclaimed. “Arf, Arf, he goes, a merry sight, Our little hairy friend, Arf, Arf, upon the lampost bright Arfing round the bend. Nice dog! Goo boy, Waggie tail and beg, Clever Nigel, jump for joy Because we’re putting you to sleep at three of the clock, Nigel.”

There you go, a nice little poem for you doggie boy. Have a good day, and he went to sleep. But he was not put to sleep, Nigel was. No one asked how that dog was. Dogs dont have feelings. But maybe feelings dont have dogs. Never thought of that now did you? That's what I'm here for, you all know me.

Nigel conquered the mysterious substances the veterinarians attempted to inject into his body. He felt it. He felt it coming. He felt it and he overcame. He resembled Caesar in this instance, always had been a noble creature. He came, he saw, and he conquered. He refused to give his life over the happy camping grounds of the Indians. He would not give up his short life filled with meaningless treats and long pointless walks. Pointless? Meaningless? Life held nothing for him, but he held something for life. What that was, well, he'd find out on life's journey. He won the battle. Then he woke up, his mouth full of blankets and his brow sweaty. Life was his oyster, but he was a vegetarian. He sighed… “life is not always what it seems.”
End.

Ah yes. I just told you a year old Story. Which shows weakness on my part, I have resorted to quoting myself. One of these days I should just quite altogether. That would be original. That's the way I've always heard it should be. Insane in the membrane, insane in the brain. In an insane world, only the insane are sane. Who you tryin to get crazy with ese, dont you know i'm loco? Ayyyye. Maintain.

My posts are becoming more meaningless everytime, just like Nigel's life. Another day, another post, another carrot. Add another day, add another vegetable. How humdrum.

Now, about that math. It's tomorrow.

2008-09-23T19:33:00.000-07:00

Chapter 2, in which the end is reconciled with the beginning and there is no epilogue.

And I know about epilogues, I read Aristotle. He knows about them too. Him and I should be friends. Too bad he's dead. Dang, death stands in the way of so many friendships.
Mmm Lauryl just gave me a bowl of blackberries. Oh I love black berries. Black seems to be the theme colour for this post so far. Epilogue, Death, Berries. And it's not even October yet.
I've been setting my alarm for 8am, but getting up at 7.56 consistantly. What's up with that? All I need now is a phone call-- "Good Morning Starshine, the earth says hello!" and that would complete everything. Good to start the morning off like an amphibion-- frog voice. Ribbit.
Children have a habit of making fools of the most mature of all people. They go from composed and sensible to "ooo what a cutie weeto thing in the whole world" and proceed to make faces, expressions, voices and such they would not have done otherwise. Children-- good for humility.
I looked in the mirror and didnt like my hair, but at least I smelled nice so I thought, "Come on and breathe me in, eyes closed." And as we all know, living is easy with eyes closed, because it is as if we live in a dream. Dreams are not reality, and yet so many live in them. Wake up. Good morning Starshine, the earth says hello.
And so do I.
Do you ever live a day and just know you are going to look back and say "those were the days". ANd you thought they'd never end. Have you ever been apart of something you thought would never end, and then of course it did? Everything has an end, everything has an epilogue. And we can't claim ignorance, the end is going to happen. What happens before you go crashing is up to you. Those were the days, we thought they'd never end, we'd live the life we chose. We'd fight and never loose, those were the days. I have been so freaking deep all day today. I feel so... back to normal...
Like today Jon was wearing a very cool tie, but the other end of the tie was... short. I said, "Jon that is so small!" And he said, "But it's so happy." And I said, "Small things are normally happy." So Staab says, "So pebbles are happy?" And I said, "Compared to a boulder." Mice are happier than rats. Julie agreed. Rebecca is small, she is always happy. Julie is small, she is happy. Then Julie says, "Small things make me happy, so I assume they are happy." That was a key point. So I said, "The Things that make you happy... are they happy?" That is where the conversation ended. Yes, back to normal life, unanswered questions because people dont catch my line of thinking. All too common. Like velcro. And dust. And wannabe's. Haha-- then staab said, "Ashley does that mean you are gloomy?" I never thought that I was like the boulder. If Rebecca is a pebble, I am a boulder. How did I get myself into that one. I really put myself into that one. A day in the life.
I think this is the most sane post I've done for a lifetime. Funny how that assumes I have two lifetimes. Cat's have 9, Butterflies have 2 and so do I. Strange how I can be similar to a boulder and a butterfly. At least they have the first letter in common. It's easier if you try.
I wish Dragon's would cry more. I want more jelly beans. Bubble gum flavoured anything is discusting. And grape is a close second. But the decision was mine. Yours wasn't.
Today I ate a cinnoman roll and ate it with a disgard for health and safety; ate it with my hands. I feel so rugged.
And tired.
Someone fell asleep in the common's room today, woke up and went outside. First thought in my head: "You don't sleep enough." Second, "I wonder what they thought about when they first woke up." It was his nighttime of the day. But I live in the daytime of the night. Sleep is so attractive.
I was walking along the sidewalk, and I said "Hi" to the first person. They didnt respond. I almost got ran over by a bicycle. The man walking next to me almost did. Something in common already. Opportunity for conversation, he obviously thought. "Hi." so i said, "yes Hi. Nice to meet you." But, we had met before. Well, it was nice to meet you that one time i met you. Before you ran me over. Ohhh is that it? What a hilarious misunderstanding. Parting words "Take care, the rest of your walk." Mine: "Watch out for bikes." I was in a hurry, I wanted a sandwhich. To eat on a field. That's the only way to eat a sandwhich. I still walk alot but I dont eat as much sandwhiches as back then. In fact bread is quite removed from my diet.

This is where my brain could write forever and a day. Maybe another lifetime. I might catch up to the cat by then. No wonder teh Egyptians worshiped them.
.Peace.

2008-09-18T18:48:00.000-07:00

In which I do not climb a tree and thus remain physically unscathed
or,
the puma looses his sense.

This is the day in which I remain baffled (good word that) at the comments my room-mates make. "Today smells like fall." and "i have yet to find a guy that looks as good as an avacado tastes". With brilliance such as this, no wonder I am like I am. The dishes are filled up with sink, and vise versa. My brain crowds out the scads of civilization and moves on to find new territory strangely like the Pilgrims but without the fancy hats. Just like the white winged dove. Ooo baby. Kareoke party tomorrow, too bad I don't know Japanese, good thing Claire does. Weekends always seem braver when they are confronted with a weekday. Can't say that I came up with Savage the Embargo but I can say I know the man who did.
I sat down to give a real update I swear, and I only parially got there. See lots has happened. For example, I just washed my hands. I enjoy clean hands and short nails.
I'm still alive but thats not always a given. I already have some speakers in line for my funeral, in case school ends up killing me. None of them are male models. Yet.

My dreams have been hyperactive. You know another cool word? Vertigo. Say it and you raise another notch in my book, if I believe you are cool enough. And believe me, I have a book. And I have dreams. I dont take walks on the wild side, I live on it. I lost my phone today, but found it a minute later. You all know me. How many times have I warned you all about my telephone? Well, it happened again! Once more I couldn’t get through, and yet again I nearly didn’t get my famous poem with a picture of me inset through those operators! YOU know how I hate those blasted operators. You all know me. Operators and dentists have a special room in purgatory. THIRTY TWO times I tried to get through with my famous poem and thirty two times I was told to ‘Get off the line you are boring" When I told a friend or two, they couldn’t not believe it, after all hadn’t I been writing the same thing for two years? Abomnible. (another cool word) You all know me. Nickels and dimes, yours and mine.

Now to keep my mind on track. Kind of like running. I haven't gone running but I know people who do. But I've been drinking liquid, the best kind of drinking to do. School's good, I'm getting by with a little help from my friends, and life is like the little engine that could.

Elephants just popped in my head. With big eyes. Nope, it's Horton. Horton snapped in my mind. you know that one Dr. Seuss book. He's in my head. Eating a buiscutt. With jam. in a palm tree. Man i could totally write my own dreams. I am in such a weird mood right now. Maybe I shouldnt even post this. nope i will.

We grow weed in our window. Basil weed. Works just as well. Our living room is clean and we're working on the kitchen. The dishes are diminishing and so is my water in the cup next to my compy. Interesting tea, Lauryl says. Minnesota? I thought you lived in Conneticut. Well let me tell you. I had tea this morning, made me happy; i love tea. If tea could talk what would it say? I like hardback books. I have two quizzes tomorrow, welcome to reality! We ran out of freezer bags, and I am out of applesauce. But the beat goes on.
History repeats itself but i will not.
I saw a Papillon puppy today and could feel myself turning sappy... it was disturbing. I liked that puppy. And I fell for a black cat the other day. That's two strikes against me. I never thought. pretty handsome awkward. I called my mom right away to tell her, she was happy. The moment I said "i turned soft" she knew it was about an animal. Dont count on it buddy boy. I am into fishes. They soon will be into me. I love seafood, but not spinach. And thats waht seperates me from Popeye. That and I dont have a 'squeaky eye', yet anyway.

My nephew is 1 now and is so adorable. He's a heart throb already.
I am not 1 and it scares me. You all know me.
I have been wanting to climb a tree. And sit on a roof, and watch a sunset in a wheat field. I want to eat a pop tart. And have a never ending supply of cinnoman rolls. I could live on those. Live fat and happy. My mind can wander and so can my head. I am feeling really weird right now... my head is like going back and forth. Maybe I'm just tired, but this is weird. Gaaahhhh i cant explain.

i'm going to lay down right now. i'll catch you later.
figuratively.

2008-09-07T20:11:00.000-07:00

Life without Clean Clothes
or the potential thereof.

And the saga of my life continues. I live like a Scotsman logrolling, gotta keep my head balanced with my feet. I also feel like a snorkler-- dont forget to take a breath. So far, so good. With those comparisons you would think my life is pretty exotic. Oh yes, here in Moscow Idaho we snorkle and log roll. We might as well anyway. I am four weeks into it all, whihc means mid-terms I believe. Can I get a 'what what' WORRRRD up yo. Four weeks into school, Five weeks into living here once more. Five weeks without a clothes washer, five weeks without clean clothes. Well that's not completely true, I have paid for one load of laundry and heavens, I am running out of clohtes and quarters.
Quarters never had as much value in my life until these few weeks.
I want to see a sunset on a wheat field. I did have my first experience with a wheat field my first week back... that was amazing. But I got beat up. It sliced me up, legs, arms and all. Brutal. But oh so worth it. I was thrilled. It's the little things in my life.
Such as spiders, which I haven't had much experience here yet. Little things like beetles, which I did see one in the laundromat. Little things like pencils, which I keep losing. Little things like bobby pins and hair ties, which I leave everywhere. Little things.
My hair has grown and I might cut it again. The same ol'.
I love orange juice. Rock on citrus man.
You never know how much you can do til you are pushed.
My roomates are great, btw. Lauryl just threw a box into the corner, as she complains and laments of her "unfaithfulness" to her chard. She made leek-chips cuz she is cool like that. Claire is sitting in her bed reading and watching a movie with a friend, because she is Canadian like that. "aboot".
I leave you as I found you, only some time later. Love peace and chicken grease.
Peace.

2008-08-31T23:03:00.000-07:00

I didn’t scream, the clock rang. The batteries went out, so the clock stopped working, so I used the sun. Look to the left to find the bush had moved, who knew it had legs? Sun hurt the eyes, Dont you wish you had second pair of eyelids? Pity those lizards never had speech. Don't hurt the daisies! Such friendly things are so easily squished.
Like squirrels.
Saw a dead one on the sidewalk, flat and brown like a squished gorilla, only much smaller and slightly cuter if it was alive.

I watched you and thought the smile on your face was a bit crooked and your sense of humour a little wack. I see in your eyes there is more to what you say, something about the mystery interests me. You didn't trip at least you wont have an internal injury. The joke wasn't funny but you laughed anyway, made a fool of yourself you aren't a clown dont ever change.

The stripes made my mind run a little too fast, slow down there is a speed limit, what would we do without the police? Warm orange juice sits on the counter, waiting for the season to change. Seasons change but people don't, at least that's what they tell themselves. She laughed as she walked with her purple giraffe, snorted alittle loud, made me smile.

Went to the store, found a cucumber, sale means deal. LB's to dollars euro to rupies, cant we make up our minds? Quick look no don’t hide skip dont cut blink dont stare. Plastic face makes you think of Barbie, why the masks? Ever wonder who you really are? I wish I could talk to you, really talk; what are you about? Regrets of humanity's life all in one book, wonder how many more there are, anyone I know? What is hidden?
Treasure hunt, be a pirate, nick the empire! Live underground, dont get buried. Vertical, horizontal, up down nursery rhyme!

We watched the man and wondered what he did with his life, any advice for newcomers? Life has no instruction book, you learn by watching. He lay on the grass and shut his eyes I wonder if he'll ever wake up. A life you dont live is still lost. Watch humanity walk by, everybody put their socks up and everybody put their foot down. Their heads were up but the eyes looked down.

What is the point of toes? If fingers were shorter and toes were longer would we switch the words or redefine them? This is the correlation. Laugh a minute! Don't stop. You're so brilliant, dont forget. More of a inspiration. Shall I deliver civic discourse or let you live in peace? The phone in the corner is plugged in but doesnt work, things aren't always what they seem. Why does your voice sound different on the phone, why does your laugh sounds funny when you are upside down? The delay on cell phones is hilarious when you talk to yourself. Glad you get crazy, makes me feel like company.

Stand on the sand dune, it's like a pyramid, what did Egyptians think of me? I am not Japanese, wonder what it's like in Alaska. Travel the world, dont stay in your cage, break out break out! Free your mind, bask in your freedom, seize the moment now is the time! Once the skeptic now the critic, why do you think you are better than everyone? Conceit is more repulsing than ignorance. Lower your head and dawn the humility, you are not as big as you think you are. Freedom is sometimes just simply another perspective away. Tell me your dreams. Analize.

The bluebelles in the garden made me contemplate life and tranquility, gave the mind a break from the energy it has released. Positive or Negative? How strong were those vibes and how long was your trip? Are you still sane? DOnt wreck yourself, you are bigger than that. Dont get sad, get glad! Turn that frown upside down. Cheer up Charlie.

I saw you watching, I tried not to stare. Occupied my mind to other things, hoped you didnt think I was ignoring you, didnt get embarressed just curious. Ever wish you could read thoughts? probably best we can't. It's the silence that screams. Glad I lived, glad you did too. Life suddenly had a sunrise! Eternal sunshine, maybe not so spotless of a mind, but cleanliness is overrated.
Dalmations aren't very cute, firetrucks scream loud, hurts the ears.
Ear? Dear. Mirrrr.... or.

Glass to Arson. There is no mathmatics to love and loss, but we dreamt in heist. And here goes time and confusion... shut your mouth, no one has to know. Here the hope, tomorrow! We can see the world, I'd go. Look up, tomorrow comes, another feel good drag, hold on to what you got, but have an open hand.

Alittle too much information. Public display? I hope not. In the end the results are rigged. Slot machines are not. I’m at the casino pretending that I’m a ballerina with lots of money painted with mysterious kalidescope colours created in lavalamp scrapbooks in China, like the yellow sea poisoned with shark breath, stupid poachers making you look like a wimp against the elephant tusks. What ivory? Only if its psycodelic. Believe in dancing? Arms like monkeys, hair like twizzlers, eyes gone googley, waving like windmills, freaking me out like the crow in the sky.

So disarming how Russians don’t use English letters. Shoot sunshine, bloody hell master, touch down turn around DOWN WITH THE MAN! up with the system!
God save the queen.

2008-07-29T00:36:00.000-07:00

"Why do they call him the boss?"
"Because he's afraid to fly."
I dont know why she swalled the fly
perhaps she'll die.

Speaking of dieing, and bugs, I have killed quite the number of bugs this summer season. I did it with confidence and poise, no sweat. There was one huge ugly mother of a furry moth... one that was like the sasquatch of all moths... that was going to eat Katy in her sleep. So I went to save her... and well... it was quite the process. I freaked out. It was so huge and furry and gross. Yah I cringed, jumped around, made faces.. the whole shabang.
But in the end, it died.
And there were no flies on Frank.
Oh I have a story about that, but nah, you dont wanna hear it... it's alittle.. wack.
On to the stuff you wanna hear about.

My time here is dwindling. It's amazing how it flies by. It seemed like i had forever here, and then "POOF!" like a fairy Godmother, it disappears right before my eyes, longing for more. Thats the way to do things I guess, so you never get bored from it, always leaving them wanting more. ANd I am wanting more. Overall it was unsatisfying. It had its fun moments, but overall it wasnt what I expected. I did get to hang out for a short while with some, but it was just weird. Thats just honesty. But I got to go camping with Jake & Emily & Guy, Rachel & Brian & Anna, Keith, Jordy, Nate, Ian & Heather and that was ton fun... I was lovin it like a McDondles commercial.
And you'd think that since i've seen so much McDondles I would know how to spell the word. Is it that obvious that I havent been there in so long? Go Taco Bell.
I also played upfront for worship service 3 times total (well it will be three), that was good to get back into things like that.
I also went to the beach with some friends, I think I got something that could pass as a tan. That was fun as well.
I also spent 10hrs a day babysitting for friends of mine. They are takingme and Katy to the Chinese Gardens in downtown Portland and also to a resteraunt tomorrow. I am looking forward to that, they are a good family.
I had my wisdom teeth pulled. Oh the excitement. Bed ridden, bloody mouthed, and all that. My mouth feels so empty. And so did my stomach.
So you see, it had its points. For a good while I was wishing I was in Idaho. I really really missed my friends, and adjusting to this kind of lifestyle was difficult. It went from doing everything all the time, to doing... things not very often. It was difficult. I have adjusted I think though, and am sorry to see my time here end. But at the same time I am looking forward to being up there again, and starting a new year of school. 3 of my very close friends will not be there though, so that was hard to swallow. Jancy, LingLing and Stacey are all far away. I am glad they are doing what they wanna do though, but I will miss them so much. I will be able to hang out with stacey before she leaves, and I am eternally grateful. heh.
I do feel a little in-between though. It's hard loving both states so much. I dont wanna be away form Oregon, and yet I dont wanna be away from Idaho. There are people in both places that I just couldnt do without. You see my predicament. It is hard to leave.
For Both places.
All people.
Leave. Gone. What horrible, candle-snuffing words.
Never fear my Oregon friends, I will be back, like Arnold.
And to my Idahoians, never fear, I am here!
I will be living in an apartment with 3 other girls. I haven't met them yet, but they seem really nice and fun. 2 of them are Freshmen, the other is... a Junior I believe. It has been fun.. and yet.. vague (yikes) planning the apartment, but I am looking forward to living out on my own... in a way.
For those ofyou extra eager to know my school schedule, my Christmas break (when I'll be in Oregon again) is Dec. 22- Jan 16.
Maybe I'll post some pictures soonish... maybe. I've been pretty busy.
Oh, and I worked more on my quilt that I started last year. I hoped to have it done for when I went to Idaho (extra warmth)... but alas. Not. Shoot, sunshine! Things just got alittle more busy and well, wrinkled and jumbled and well it didnt happen. Maybe another year.
Maybe by the time I'm married.
Woo! But alas, I leave for Idaho August 8th.
"2,000 miles I roam, just to make this dock my home."
Hellogoodbye (see background). Happy Crimble.

2008-06-24T22:26:00.000-07:00

The vibe is intense. Be part of thrill seeking as a fashion. Risk is a friend, be part of the restless search for the thrill....
A watched potatoe never grows.
but children do.
And this child has.
Way to much.
And so, this child decided to go running. Went with Emily yesterday, not very long mind you, i'm way out of shape so Em/I took it short. So I went tonight as well, short again, but hey, its better than nothing. And I want to do it every day, and build up. Sound good?
So does blowing bubbles in your soda.
But i never got that. Blowing your breath into your soda.
Ew.
Gross.
Just like Spiders.
Speaking of spiders. I rescued Emily from one again today. Proved my toughness. My Manliness. My Braveity.
Only not.
I have a slight tan. Slight, but its there. I see a tan line. Thank God for Tank Tops, I've worn one almost every day practically, so its about time. I am happy. Even with all that sunburning and peeling, I still have one. Even Emily says so! Woooooo
Woo is a funny word. I use it for cheering like "yay" but I mean It's also used as "woo" as in "court" as in "date"... and its funny. Cheering while saying "court"... anyway. Strange.
People are strange when youre a stranger.
Sorry my posts ahve been slacking. ANd the quality has gone waaaaaaaaaaay down. Its embaressing. Picture me blushing. Cuz in mind that's what i'm doing.
SMACK DAT!
peace out
a.h.
oh and by the way i think something happened to my brain
its not nearly as funny. it's annoying me. something happened. Maybe its that mushroom juice my mom makes...

2008-05-18T22:33:00.000-07:00

So here I am just the same as last time, only a week later. The sun has been burning the countryside, and I hear that it's done the same to my home state as well. Good times, and about time. It's been nice, only it has also reminded me that I need to cut down on the sweets, start up on the running, and get stronger to get that summer body.
I went with some of my friends (Meg, Ben & Skyler) down to Lewiston for a picnic by the river. That was really fun... and I got burned in a very ugly way. Pretty much only on one side of me. Blah. And that trip reminded me that I need a good swimsuit.
Tomorrow I have a final, which reminded me that I need to study. Tuesday is my last 3 finals, which reminds me that I will have my life back in no time, which in turn reminded me that I need to study and figure things out for the summer.
And posting makes me think that I need to post pictures, but I wont make a documentery, because I have too many. If you wanna see them then catch me when I'm home and I'll show them to you.
Typing makes this clickity sound that reminds me that I need to cut my fingernails.
I played lots of guitar today, made me happy. I'm finally learning non-church songs... it's about time. On the class trip Jon's bringing his guitar as well, and we'll jam, so that should be fun.
Write me another poem and then tell me who I was in a past life, and you shall pass.
as opposed to "not pass"

The end.
Ex Nihilo..... Quid nam.
forever
ashl

2008-05-12T01:07:00.000-07:00

A Paradox and a Matching Sweater, Please

The normal stress-out-you-have-so-much-to-do days have ceased for a few days. This week
was the most stressful week I've had that I can think of, having to give two seperate thesis' in the same week, seperated by 2 days. It freaked me out, but I got through it. I dont know my grade from them yet, but I am satisfied that I got through, which is more than I expected. In fact the day before my second and most important thesis, I sent my mom an email that consisted of these few alarming but sincerely felt sentances:

"Start making the funeral plans, for tomorrow I die.

Say your last words to me. As it is now, tell them I

loved them, and it was good while it lasted."

She didn't think that was funny. I was really really stressed out man. I gave myself a big headache and a stomach ache. It doesn't help that I have huge expectations put on me. Not only do I have the normal stress about giving it, but everyone says "You'll do fine. You always have. You can do it no problem. It's no problem for you, you do great." Yes I might HAVE done great, but what guarantee is there that I'd do great again? And it always has been a problem! Just because I've done great doesn't mean that it's easy! It's not easy! So there! Anyway, so that was stressful as well, just having their ... almost not understanding. They didn't believe that my fears were.... well founded. Anyway. But I got through it, and my class mates were very good to me to believe in me like that. :D
Also, my parents sent me wonderful flowers... my favourite flowers... TULIPS! red tulips. The whole school found otu about those, they thought it pretty sweet, but unusual. I love them and they are still on my dresser. I would take a picture if I had a camera, but as it is, I don't.

I'll post more pictures when I get them.

So I have basically been bumming around. Hanging out, spending money (I need to stop that though. no more money spending till I get a job).... reading. I finally finished a book that Geoff lent me ... oh dear, on Christmas Break. Now I'm on the next one. Wahoo!

Time is winding down. Finals are coming up so that's kind of scary, but actually exciting. My family is coming up in 12 days... on the 24th anyway. So that's cool. Then I head to the Oregon coast with my class for 5 days! So I come home in 18 days. That is the countdown. I am counting down daily, as some people know... hehe...

Spontaneous Combustion.
That just poped into my head. I like that phrase.

I look around and find that I still haven't put up my Beatles posters. They are still rolled up like they came because I havne't gotten around to buying that sticky stuff. So I will keep them down and then put them up when I get home. When I get a house I want a music room, where I will have all my guitars and a drumset and bass and all that stuff, and lots of posters on the walls. Mmmm yes that will rock. Then I want a work out room with weights and tredmill and all that stuff and a punching bag. Yes sir.
House plans.... oh man I am getting ahead of myself. How appauling. I disgust myself.

I leave you as I found you, only some time later.
-Ashley

(pleasant dreams)

2008-03-22T14:19:00.000-07:00

The end of the photos for now.
I have been busy with school of course. How boring and normal is that? Well, 2 more months left of it and then I come home. I cleaned my room today and the bathroom.
Tomorrow (easter) we are having 2 families over, so that should be fun.. foosball! maybe some poker! hooray! and the Menadier's just got cable tv yesterday so that's a hooray as well.
SPORK without the latex gloves.
yours,
ashleyhehe

2008-03-04T02:06:00.000-08:00

Lots has happened. Like-- lots. I was waiting for pictures. But alas, none came. I'm sorry, it's not really my fault.
So that "class movie party" turned out it was a surprise birthday party for me. I was sooo not expecting it AT ALL... it was amazing these kids are amazing. They all chipped in a bought pizza and a John Lennon doll and Beatles door poster. They are so sweet they know just what I like. I am still amazed at them. They are great. If I ever get pictures, I"ll post them.
My thesis went really really well. My speech compitiion when well also.
Finals week! And then I visit home. Not sure when I'm coming home tho, unexpected events transpired and I am unclear as of now... its either Friday or Saturday tho.
Well, that was a good summary. Nice and short.

I can write a storY! Geoff doesn't want to read them cuz it bugs him when someone is weirder than him.... wackah.
This mess is a room. The knife cut the bag. It's not my fault she screamed.

The guitar in the corner is finally near the right tuning, there is a sticky note on the wall where most would not see it with the word "nothing" written in Sharpie, a question mark afterwards, I need to cook more but not enough time, eat less but i get hungry, cold.

Apple butter? better than it sounds.
an artificial memory of you the other day, falling asleep and you were in the kitchen came back happy saw that I left the drink bubbles on the lid unpressed for you so you could mash them with your finger, your face condensed, convex concave snap! You were so happy. I was so happy. Snap. Someone's bday is tomorrow Pop! Hope she is happy, snap.

I yawned at happiness in a way that could only be make believe.
I opened my eyes it was gone
I was left with salt on my fries and you were gone. POP.

At the grocery store awhile back there was a sale, 4 cucumbers for one american dollar, inflation terrible. so happy was so happy, purchased only two, don't want to waste food going bad no time to eat no time. Was I joyful? Joyful? Two fresh cucumbers for fifty cents? I was. Lame. so lame. Wish they were carrots.

Hello, I am at the grocery I am pretending that I am an old expert with ancient breath scented with mysteries things expired in caves scholarly pipes family heirlooms stupid teacher breathing pop quizzes over your shoulder. touching the produce in a hypothetic moondance; examining, formulating, concluding, a strange ritual lost cartographers. I pretend I pretend that all of it, the stretching light years with fingers like yarn in the cradle of a cat, I pretend that I know what I'm doing petting those fruits serenading those vegetables.
In the end, the selection is purely random Random.

When I stare at you on the bus don't be alarmed i am aligned with the background two dimensional no values don't be alarmed. I am only looking at your face like a cauldron of interactions see how this line meets this one here? I am holding my breath concentrating disassembling you with calculated proficiency to lines and pieces hoping to put you together as something better on 65 LB recycled paper.

See how the mouth loses confidence at the edges falling like cannonball duds see how the eyebrows rush off his face eager with manifest destiny. westward expansion ho! columbus? no, cannibals. So disarming how the giraff's nose is nearly tipped over! falling trees no one can hear! Marilyn monroe we see your underwear! god save the queen what is up with kudzu? SPUTNIK!

why is america not on the metric system? funny, converting everyone to religion, democracy, justice, English language, US use the Metric system? no thank you, quite happy yes. doing just fine if it's alright with you.

I thought all your jokes were funny I thought it's nosebleed was cute I don't know what you were trying to do on the other side of my life but that dress looks nice on you but your socks questionable try obedience once in a while dedicate your babies to the church and talk to your mom on the phone eat your broccoli.
idiot.

Congradulate me kids, that was fun.

2008-02-22T17:43:00.001-08:00

Yep, Im the rugged one.... I just never really fit in with princesses do I.... heh heh

OO! This was so fun. So this school has a day of games/competition: archery, chess, ping pong, sword fighting.... the girls cant sword fight (i archered), but I really really wanted to... so on the side lines I borrowed one of Charles' swords (some metal pipe thing covered with foam i think) and fought him.... I found out that I am yet again weak... my poor forearm... but it was really fun. He was nice and didn't destroy me... but i ended up without any limbs. Heh. Then I fought a few other people, came up with my own moves (that i stole from Gladiator)... and I think with practice I'd be pretty alright.

Yah that's all I got as of now. Have fun, knock yourself out.
ever,
ashl

2008-02-18T16:47:00.000-08:00

Everyone laughed at her joke
As if they'd never even heard it before
And maybe they were truly amused
But every word that she spoke was a bore
And maybe it's because they had seen
The previews on the TV screen
Well this part is good and that's well understood
So you should laugh if you know what I mean

But it's all relative
Even if you don't understand
Well it's all understood
Especially when you don't understand
Then it's all just because
Even if we don't understand
Then lets all just believe

Everyone knows what went down
Because the news was spread all over town
And fact is only what you believe
And fact and fiction work as a team
It's almost always fiction in the end
That content begins to bend
When context is never the same

And it's all relative
Even if we don't understand
And that's well understood
Especially when we don't understand
Then it's all just because
Even if we don't understand
Then lets all just believe

I was reading a book
Or maybe it was a magazine
Suggestions on where to place faith
Suggestions on what to believe
But I read somewhere
That you've got to beware
You can't believe anything you read
But the good Book is good
And that's well understood
So don't even question
If you know what I mean

But it's all relative
Even if you don't understand
Well it's all understood
Especially when you don't understand
And it's all just because
Even if we don't understand
Then lets all just believe

But there you go once again
You missed the point and then you point
Your fingers at me
And say that I said not to believe
I believe ......I guess
I guess it's all relative

"It's All Understood" by Jack Johnson....

And for all of you, I am fine. As Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy would say, in large friendly letters: "Don't Panic."

2008-02-09T14:23:00.000-08:00

So I am finally feeling better. Maybe the "huggles" worked? Sleep had something to do with it. Seriously I slept enough to make up for the whole year. I never woke up before 1pm, most of the days I slept til at least 2pm. My record: 3.00pm. I felt so lazy... and that's because I was. I love sleeping. I could sleep all day... and never wake up. That would be the nicest way to go out I think... but its the cowards way out. hehe. Today I woke up at 12, just because I felt bad for sleeping so much and I have my thesis to write. So I woke up, ate breakfast for the first time in a week, watched the 1965 San Fransisco Press Conference with Bob Dylan, cleaned my room, cleaned the bathroom, and hopefully pretty soon I'll work on my thesis at Bucer's (the coffee shop). I am stressing out about that just so you know.

Nothing else to report really. I have random musings, but this is not the site for me to do that on. This site of course well you know what this site is for. I can't believe that it's already February. 3 months until school is OUT!!! I can't wait. But that also means the hardness of it all is going to increase.

Well nothing else to say. All these comments is wonderful. Did you see-- 9 comments on that one picture!! and then 6 on that last post of mine! I'm setting records and am on a roll!

Right now I will leave you.

2008-02-07T17:23:00.000-08:00

Thank you all for your overwhelming response on that "emo" picture. I've never gotten so many comments from so many people in the history of this blog. Yes that is a kind of emo picture of me but I like it when I take those kind of pictures and when I look like that so well that's my life ok not yours. I could go on but I'll quit the hostility for a bit. I do find it funny that I got all those comments on that one picture of me and no comments on the post... hahahaha oh well it's fine...

So I have been sick. We had 2 snow days (thursday and Friday), then the weekend, then i got sick on Sunday, didn't go to school on Monday and Tuesday, went on Wednesday, felt nascious and woozy and all, stayed home from school today and we'll see about tomorrow. This is not a convienient time to be sick because we are writing another thesis... save me from this present evil.

So this week has been pretty humdrum and I have been feeling the same. Nothing much else to report. It's been snowing again... we have alot of snow and I actually like it like that... except that you have to dig out of 2+ feet of snow to open the gate to get out, which numbs your hands for an hour or so.
Power to the people.
Ashley
"is that what you think or what they want you to think?"

2008-01-30T20:07:00.000-08:00

Stacey is in love with this picture. Josh likes it alot too. I tried my luck at eye liner the other night...it was fun....i also have more pics like this but a bit more... scary. haha
more pix to come once people get me them.

2008-01-30T18:04:00.000-08:00

Well, I still dont' have good pictures to post. I have pictures of me... but i dont think that most of you would appreciate them. Haha. Not much news but it's been a while and certain people like me to say something. But alas, picture-less once more.

Gave my thesis today and I dont want to talk about it. People say I did fine and good and all that, I thank them for their nice-ness, but it is not up to my standard. I could have done SO MUCH better than that, it discusts me to think of how I did. So that's all I say about it. Another one starts next week.

SNOW is everywhere!!! It's freaking awesome! We might get a snow day tomorrow for the first time in 16 years. All other schools may be shut down, but we always stay open.. but tomorrow, that may just change and I pray to God that it will. I would love the chance to sleep and rest. And finish things that need to be finished.

As far as friendships go, I have... quite a few. I have a few closer friends, and get along with most of the kids here. I hang out with pretty much all grades... practically I am excersizing my integration. Hooray!

Have a nice day, and keep off the grass.
what a boring post. gr.

Forever

Ashley

Random pictures pretty much for Katy:
REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE!!! I totally love it!! and of course, James Dean is freaking amazing... I love him too....I watched that movie the other night and got all happy again..

This was just a cute pic. I have lots of these because they make me smile.

2008-01-20T22:56:00.000-08:00

Well now I post for Rachel. I posted the picture post for Dale & Daurelle, and post this word one for Rachel. Haha I find that amusing.
Well so now I am about to head into my third week of the third quarter. I am already looking forward to Spring Break. Not that I dont like it here, but you know, that's just how it goes. But I am still doing well. And my room is staying cleaner than it used to be so that is an improvement.
The big project is that I have been writing my first thesis. I finished it today--outline and manuscript so it is complete and I am happy. Now I just have to present it. The subject is "do hard things"--kinda like the Rebelution but not totally that. And once that is over I'm pretty sure we write/present another one, but i'm not sure when. I know there are two short (7-9 minute) thesis in 3rd quarter.
Latin continues to confuse me so I wont talk about it.
Friday-Saturday we (the Menadier parents, Stacey, Ling Ling and I) went to Spokane to follow the school's basketball team and go to their games. That was fun hanging out with those two...we had a good time--they are pretty fun. The boys unfortunately lost both games. We do so good, until we just start fouling like it's going out of style man it's awful to watch. But we give them E's for effort and still are behind them the whole way. We are a good fan group. We are good cheer'ers, which they like us to be. Joy joy.
I need to iron clothes for tomorrow. Tsk tsk. I'll do that when i wake up tomorrow. I am such a procrastinator it's not even funny. It is bad.
Pictures will be coming from our times at the basketball games. They should be pretty ok.
Well that's about all that's really happening that I can think of. Nothing too eventful, but yet I am pretty busy. But never too busy for you. haha. Today I skipped out on sleadding for the second time because I had homework. Aren't I so devoted? Yes, I say that just for you mom just so you know.
Well, now I will leave you.

2007-12-13T23:00:00.000-08:00

So no pictures but you can know what's up anyway.
So tomorrow is the last day of the review week. I have to study hard. Because on Monday I have Apologetics and Latin finals, and on Tuesday I have Rhetoric II, Rhetoric I and Economics finals. Stressful. But that means that I am done with school after Tuesday! Way cool man! Friday (tomorrow) also is the second home Varsity Basketball game...which I am excited about. And Friday is just one of the best days of the week. Then on Saturday of next week I go home. That's the plan. And I'll miss out on all the sweet parties that'll happen once I am gone. I bet they said, "Oh! Ashley'll be gone! Let's have all the parties!" I know their little minds better than they think.
Nah they wouldnt be THAT mean to me. I just happen to leave once the fun starts.
Well the weather here is dry I guess. It's been snowing alot and thats awesome because I love snow and cold weather and all that. Dry weather has been drying out my lips. It hurts real bad man. And I have no chapstick. Gah. But other than that I love it here.
Christmas is coming. Gaaaa I am not ready man. Not ready. Oh! And I cleaned my room. ANd then I had to go upstairs for dinner. Then when I came back downstairs and looked in my room I scared myself...I wasn't used to how clean it was I forgot that I cleaned it. Yep. There IS a reason why Josh nominated me for "Most Likely to Forget What They Are Saying Mid-Sentance".
Music is my drug!!!! I LOVE IT!!!
It will be weird to be home again. I mean...I've gotten used to living on my own and you know, being away....and then I am going back...and well...anyway...it'll be weird. Cant' explain it really, but those of you know what i'm saying will know. But I am looking forward to it dont worry.
Whatever.
Well nothing too phenominal happening or happened. At least not that I wanna get into you know what i mean. Too long you see.And I don't feel like thinking that hard.
Gah! My lips hurt real bad man! And I need to iron and do my laundry. tsk tsk.
here's a good line, you can use it in many ways: "we began with concluding remarks"
And that's what I said.
Carry on.
-Ashle

My Chemical Romance UK Single - I Don't Love You

2007-12-09T13:32:00.001-08:00

just ONE of my favorite My Chemical Romance songs--it freaking rocks, and i thought i'd share the love. There will be more to come because i love them so much.

2007-12-03T17:06:00.000-08:00

Videos of me and Stacey in the snow

2007-11-27T16:29:00.001-08:00

Pictures will come. I swear. Just not yet. I still haven't obtained them. They remain unobtained.
A ton has happened and I regret to say that I will not be able to inform you all of it. Because most of it I forgot already. My memory has worsened. I have a very selective long term memory, and a very fluent and progressively shortening short-term memory. It isn't even funny. I am so dead serious. School is going well i suppose, I haven't been able to concentrate lately but I suppose that happens sometimes. Not all that long until Christmas break--bitter sweet, nice to go home and all, but it will be hard to leave this kids here and miss all the parties.

Friday is the first Varsity Basketball game, so I'm pretty excited. It'll friggin rock I'm sure. And I dont' know what else is happening. It's been snowing alot..it's beautiful. Thus, it is cold. But, that's what jackets are for! And I have a jacket! So i stay warm.

Ever wish you always had the right words to say. Well I do. There's so many times when I think to myself "Ashley NOW is the time for you to say something phenominal; if not phenominal, it's the opportune moment to help." You know that there is a perfect comment, question, or something to say that could help someone else, and yet you are speechless. It's...like you are helpless. You just gotta pray for the words. And still they don't come. But so much depends on them. What if you say the wrong thing? Then don't speak. What if not speaking is the wrong thing? See you just can't know. It makes things so difficult. I deal with this constantly. Words hold so much power, you know gotta know how to use them effectively...therein consists the power. Sometimes, it's not just the thought that counts, but how the thought is expressed. But you know you gotta help, one way or another, you just don't know how.

And there you have it. Some of my inner thoughts. You don't get that very often now do you? Relish it.

aslkdfj slkfj;asl slkdjfksla (for one person who can understand that if its ever read by that one person) haha I have actually been listening to the Swedish Chef. It's just hilarious!! Seriously you should watch him. Laugh your head off, put it back on, laugh it off again.

Well I'll post more when i get pix. I promise.
Yours,
A.j.H.
"it's times like these when you know you just have to know....no more guessing."
(my new quote. i made it up just now.)

2007-11-01T19:37:00.001-07:00

Well well. Still no pictures because I haven't gotten them from Stacey yet. But, I will talk anyways. So school is still going well. And so is everything else really. Except for my hair, because well of what happened this morning.
This morning, I wake up at 3.00am because sometimes I just do that thinking that it was time to get up. And today was no exception. So I look at my clock and it says, "3:15" and I say "oh shoot not again. Better make sure my alarm is on." So I feel around my clock and finally find the "on/off" switch. And I say, "Good thing I woke up to check this, my alarm is off. Silly girl." and I turn it on, smiling at my craftiness--for once I was observant and thoughtful, a good thing to smile about. And then, next thing I know, Kate (the other boarder) says my name "Ashley, are you up? Mrs. Menadier asked me to wake you up." Me: "Oh, that's funny. What time is it?" Kate: "7.45". 7.50?! NO WAY!!! My alarm was set for 6.35!!! So I had about 5 minutes to get ready. How could this happen?!! So I rush and rush and get ready but alas, no shower. Which is why my hair isn't going well. Anyway, so I rush and slap on some clothes that look acceptable, run and brush my teeth, and grabed my bags and run upstairs and shove a yogurt down my throat. And believe it or not I was ready just on time. Oh I was glad. But boy I was out of it. Very out of it. Voice was froglike, and I was more than normally clumsy. Sigh. Oh well. I got to class on time. Which is nice. But its not nice for my hair. Oh and I figured out why my alarm didn't go off---When I had so wittingly turned my alarm ON, my clock was upside down. I had turned my alarm OFF. Providence.....
So well the newest news is that my family is coming up next week. I won't have all that much time with them because I am in the play you know, but it will be nice to see them again. My sister's 3rd anniversary is today. And I'm sending their card tomorrow. They won't receive it for a couple days I am terrible I know.
Well now that you know that. That's about all I have to say. I won't bore you with what I got for school assignments. But school is mostly what I'm up to. The play I'm working in starts performing on Wednesday--exciting really they are doing really well and it's a hilarious play. I've seen it a ton of times and still find it funny. And I need to charge my cell phone. Tsk tsk. So much to do so much to do.
And we all shine on, like the moon and the stars and the sun--
Forever,
Ashley

2007-10-23T19:37:00.000-07:00

Well well. Again no pictures to show you really. Because I don't have any pictures for myself either. But I will let you know what be up anyway. With words.
Well quarter finals were last week. They went well pretty much. Latin is alittle sad for me, but I'll know my for sure grades and all that on Thursday. It's getting more challenging now. And thats what I have to say about school basically.
I have wanted a doughnut for weeks and weeks but haven't given in yet. Oh I want one real bad man, real bad. But I have had Starbucks, because I've had certificates and free is an amazing price if I say so myself. I have had Chinese twice and I LOVE chinese food. I will have it again tomorrow I think it is.
Well that's about what I have to say really. I've been doing well, I had a soar throat for a couple days now, but its been getting better. Just needing more water than usual. Ha.
I have a new love of a band....so, my top bands now are: Beatles and Pink Floyd, just so you know. I am really really really into them. I have before of course, but it's just gotten heavier.
So there you have it. Updates on my school, health, food cravings, and music. What more could you ask for? You can answer that question if you so desire.
Until I catch you later,
I will leave you.

"I'm telling you. People come and go in this Forest, and they say, 'It's only Eeyore, so it doesn't count.' They walk to and fro saying, 'Ha ha!' But do they know anything about A? They don't. It's just three sticks to them. But to the Educated - mark this, little Piglet- to the Educated, not meaning Poohs and Piglets, it's a great and glorious A." --Eeyore
So I sign this,
The great and glorious A.

2007-10-15T22:37:00.000-07:00

Ok so the news now is that quarter finals are this week. And friday is no school! Joy. And bigger joy--on wednesday I don't have Rhetoric 1 and so I get to go to British Literature class! Hooray. I have a Apologetics final on Wednesday, and impromptu's this week as the final. So that's school for you.
The food news is that I really want Chinese food.
And there is no other news. And no new pictures either. Sorry.
Good night.

For Katy and her little amusment:

New York, August 28, 1964
QUESTION: How do you like this welcome?
RINGO: So this is America. They all seem out of their minds.

. . . QUESTION: How tall are you?
RINGO: Two feet, nine inches.

QUESTION: Paul, what do you think of columnist Walter Winchell?
PAUL: He said I’m married and I’m not.
GEORGE: Maybe he wants to marry you!

QUESTION: How did you find America?
RINGO: We went to Greenland and made a left turn.

QUESTION: Is it true you can’t sing?
JOHN (POINTS TO GEORGE): Not me. Him.

QUESTION: Why don’t you smile, George?
GEORGE: I’ll hurt my lips.

QUESTION: What’s your reaction to a Seattle psychiatrist’s opinion that you are a menace.
GEORGE: Psychiatrists are a menace.

QUESTION: What’s this about an annual illness, George?
GEORGE: I get cancer every year.
. . . QUESTION: George, how do you feel about the nightclub, Arthur, named after your hairstyle?
GEORGE: I was proud, until I saw the nightclub.

QUESTION: What do you consider the most important thing in life?
GEORGE: Love.
PAUL: I once knew a fellow on the Dingle who had two dads. He used to call them Number One Dad and Number Two Dad. Now apparently Number One Dad wasn’t nice. He sued to throw the boy on the fire, which can develop a lot of complexes in a young lad.
RINGO: I remember my uncle putting a red-hot poker on me, and that’s no lie. He was trying to frighten me.
PAUL: Tell me, Ringo, do all your relatives go round applying red-hot pokers to you?
JOHN: It’s the only way they can identify them.
PAUL: You see, Ringo comes from a depressed area.
JOHN: Some people call it the slums.
RINGO: No, the slums are farther.

. . . QUESTION: What frightens you most?
JOHN: The thing I’m afraid of is growing old. I hate that. You get old and you’ve missed it somehow. The old always resent the young and vice versa.
RINGO: I’d like to end up, sort of, unforgettable.

QUESTION: Ringo, why are you always so quiet?
RINGO: I don’t like talking. It’s how I’m built. Some people gab all day and some people play it smogo. I don’t mind talking or smiling. I just don’t do it very much. I haven’t got a smiling face or a talking mouth.

2007-10-09T21:00:00.000-07:00

Let's see. Nope. We won't. Just two pictures from today.

Chantelle, Stayc, Me. BooYA.

Toodle doo.

2007-10-03T22:10:00.000-07:00

The newest update I can give you all is that I made tea about an hour ago, it was too hot and so logically I let it sit for a while, to cool off. After all, who wants a burnt tounge when they have to give a speech the next morning? No one with a sane brain. And maybe I got a little distracted, and I let it sit too long. So now it is lukewarm. I hate lukewarm, just like God does. Haha! Okay how do you like that comparison?
Not much else new except for the fact that I need to give my room a cleaning.

These are pictures, just two, sorry, taken when we were playing Mad Gab. Grr I need a new camera. All these are taken with stacey's. That's what I'll get...in a few years....

2007-09-28T21:24:00.000-07:00

Well this my friends is the first word post since a long time ago.

This is Friday, the last day of the week. And I am glad because, see, this has been a long week. I just hope that the weekend will be long too because I have alot to do.

My sister and mother are visiting J, E, and now Guy, and I am pretty jealous. Yes. Very jealous. I should so be there and you all know it. Teleportation would come in useful here I think.

Quotes I got today:
"A joke is a funny lie." --ME!

"When a woman is depressed, she eats or goes shopping. A man just goes out and attacks another nation. They are just different." --me with some help from a few sources.

"Men are like pumpkins. It seems like all the good ones are either taken or they've had everything scraped out of their heads with a spoon." --quotepage

"You're gonna fight or die or live!" --Elliot

"Chicken is meat for girls--girly meat." --Maggie

I asked Dane for an especially witty or wise or creative or just something, and he thought for a long long time. And then he said "Oh Ashely I have one!" and here is his brilliance:

"Catapults are high on the food chain." --Dane

Gaaaaahhh these kids are great. There's more but i can't find my book. I just thought Katy would like these ones. This site is for her I hope you all know. So if you like this site, thank my kid sister.

I am busy busy and can't consentrate I hate that when that happens. It always happens when i need consentration most. How frusterating is that. Well let me tell you it's a ton.

Oh here you go, did you really think you could get a word post from me without something to do with the Beatles? Gaaaah if you dont' know me by now you will never ever ever know me tra la la la.

When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream. --John Lennon

That man was brilliant.

Well i have nothing really brilliant to say. Only that I have been such an abominable clutz lately. I don't know why. AND!! The other day I forgot how to spell my name! I was writing it on my paper and I got to "Ash..." and couldn't think of the rest. Finally remembered an "l" came next, but for the life of me I couldn't think of if it was an "ely" or an "ley". I had to (oh this is embarressing) ask the person next to me if he knew. WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?! That was just crazy! A day in the life. Blaaaaa.

Ah. Family would be interested in this. For breakfast every day I have 1 or 2 link sausage and a yogurt, sometimes a bowl of cereal but not usually. For lunch I have an apple and chips. For dinner I have dinner, full fledged, because I am hungry by then. And then for a midnight (literally) snack I have another yogurt. That is my food plan. So I am eating. :) Don't worry.

Well, I have nothing to say, and I do actually have a picture to post what do you know? But not many. So sorry. None have been taken recently.

Got up in the morning, I’m gonna die
Get to bed at eight o’clock
Coming home and back again--here he comes,
Arthur Pem, singing guitar blues.
over the moon and after the sun
Nobody knows where we’re gonna come.

Katy that was for you, the only person who actually knows what that is from, and can laugh your head off at it. I miss those times....

This video was taken at a vball game Sam took it thought it was a click picture, and you can go from there

Pictures from that day:

Picture not from that day but I like anyway:

And with that, I leave you. Love peace and chicken grease.
Forever yours, AjH

2007-09-26T19:24:00.000-07:00

Washing dishes. Jon took it.

2007-09-26T17:18:00.000-07:00

This is what we look like when we are upstairs.

2007-09-26T17:10:00.000-07:00

You know the real tough guys who smash pop cans against their foreheads and say "GRRR!!!"? Well Matt wanted to try. And then Jon wanted to try. Let's see what kind of men they are.

2007-09-26T16:56:00.000-07:00

At the Priest Lake cabin we played a game and here we are.

2007-09-26T16:48:00.000-07:00

The rainbow.

2007-09-13T23:42:00.000-07:00

Okay this one is probably the most humiliating one of all of them. My hair is all poofy and I look like well terrible but, oh well. If it can make people laugh, then great I'm up for it. Anything to please of course. And it makes Stacey laugh so it's already worth it.
David took it.

2007-09-13T23:27:00.000-07:00

Lunch time. Stacey took the video. Ling Ling was telling a story about last year when they all took Logic class, and Stacey said....
well, watch the video.

2007-09-13T19:49:00.000-07:00

We had a study group at Bucer's and we all studied there. For reals. Studying for the Rhetoric II quiz the next day. This was taken when most everyone left 'cept for Stacey, Matt, Sam Smathers and me. And it's pretty borin gbut Katy said she wanted it anyway....sorry guys.

2007-09-05T18:44:00.000-07:00

Me. I am such a fool sometimes. Stacey has this Jockey hat you see. And i love hats. So I couldn't resist. But I couldn't figure it out.............

2007-09-05T18:35:00.000-07:00

Jon is like Altoids, baby: small, white and curiously strong!