Chapter 2, in which the end is reconciled with the beginning and there is no epilogue.

And I know about epilogues, I read Aristotle. He knows about them too. Him and I should be friends. Too bad he's dead. Dang, death stands in the way of so many friendships.
Mmm Lauryl just gave me a bowl of blackberries. Oh I love black berries. Black seems to be the theme colour for this post so far. Epilogue, Death, Berries. And it's not even October yet.
I've been setting my alarm for 8am, but getting up at 7.56 consistantly. What's up with that? All I need now is a phone call-- "Good Morning Starshine, the earth says hello!" and that would complete everything. Good to start the morning off like an amphibion-- frog voice. Ribbit.
Children have a habit of making fools of the most mature of all people. They go from composed and sensible to "ooo what a cutie weeto thing in the whole world" and proceed to make faces, expressions, voices and such they would not have done otherwise. Children-- good for humility.
I looked in the mirror and didnt like my hair, but at least I smelled nice so I thought, "Come on and breathe me in, eyes closed." And as we all know, living is easy with eyes closed, because it is as if we live in a dream. Dreams are not reality, and yet so many live in them. Wake up. Good morning Starshine, the earth says hello.
And so do I.
Do you ever live a day and just know you are going to look back and say "those were the days". ANd you thought they'd never end. Have you ever been apart of something you thought would never end, and then of course it did? Everything has an end, everything has an epilogue. And we can't claim ignorance, the end is going to happen. What happens before you go crashing is up to you. Those were the days, we thought they'd never end, we'd live the life we chose. We'd fight and never loose, those were the days. I have been so freaking deep all day today. I feel so... back to normal...
Like today Jon was wearing a very cool tie, but the other end of the tie was... short. I said, "Jon that is so small!" And he said, "But it's so happy." And I said, "Small things are normally happy." So Staab says, "So pebbles are happy?" And I said, "Compared to a boulder." Mice are happier than rats. Julie agreed. Rebecca is small, she is always happy. Julie is small, she is happy. Then Julie says, "Small things make me happy, so I assume they are happy." That was a key point. So I said, "The Things that make you happy... are they happy?" That is where the conversation ended. Yes, back to normal life, unanswered questions because people dont catch my line of thinking. All too common. Like velcro. And dust. And wannabe's. Haha-- then staab said, "Ashley does that mean you are gloomy?" I never thought that I was like the boulder. If Rebecca is a pebble, I am a boulder. How did I get myself into that one. I really put myself into that one. A day in the life.
I think this is the most sane post I've done for a lifetime. Funny how that assumes I have two lifetimes. Cat's have 9, Butterflies have 2 and so do I. Strange how I can be similar to a boulder and a butterfly. At least they have the first letter in common. It's easier if you try.
I wish Dragon's would cry more. I want more jelly beans. Bubble gum flavoured anything is discusting. And grape is a close second. But the decision was mine. Yours wasn't.
Today I ate a cinnoman roll and ate it with a disgard for health and safety; ate it with my hands. I feel so rugged.
And tired.
Someone fell asleep in the common's room today, woke up and went outside. First thought in my head: "You don't sleep enough." Second, "I wonder what they thought about when they first woke up." It was his nighttime of the day. But I live in the daytime of the night. Sleep is so attractive.
I was walking along the sidewalk, and I said "Hi" to the first person. They didnt respond. I almost got ran over by a bicycle. The man walking next to me almost did. Something in common already. Opportunity for conversation, he obviously thought. "Hi." so i said, "yes Hi. Nice to meet you." But, we had met before. Well, it was nice to meet you that one time i met you. Before you ran me over. Ohhh is that it? What a hilarious misunderstanding. Parting words "Take care, the rest of your walk." Mine: "Watch out for bikes." I was in a hurry, I wanted a sandwhich. To eat on a field. That's the only way to eat a sandwhich. I still walk alot but I dont eat as much sandwhiches as back then. In fact bread is quite removed from my diet.

This is where my brain could write forever and a day. Maybe another lifetime. I might catch up to the cat by then. No wonder teh Egyptians worshiped them.
.Peace.

In which I do not climb a tree and thus remain physically unscathed
or,
the puma looses his sense.

This is the day in which I remain baffled (good word that) at the comments my room-mates make. "Today smells like fall." and "i have yet to find a guy that looks as good as an avacado tastes". With brilliance such as this, no wonder I am like I am. The dishes are filled up with sink, and vise versa. My brain crowds out the scads of civilization and moves on to find new territory strangely like the Pilgrims but without the fancy hats. Just like the white winged dove. Ooo baby. Kareoke party tomorrow, too bad I don't know Japanese, good thing Claire does. Weekends always seem braver when they are confronted with a weekday. Can't say that I came up with Savage the Embargo but I can say I know the man who did.
I sat down to give a real update I swear, and I only parially got there. See lots has happened. For example, I just washed my hands. I enjoy clean hands and short nails.
I'm still alive but thats not always a given. I already have some speakers in line for my funeral, in case school ends up killing me. None of them are male models. Yet.

My dreams have been hyperactive. You know another cool word? Vertigo. Say it and you raise another notch in my book, if I believe you are cool enough. And believe me, I have a book. And I have dreams. I dont take walks on the wild side, I live on it. I lost my phone today, but found it a minute later. You all know me. How many times have I warned you all about my telephone? Well, it happened again! Once more I couldn’t get through, and yet again I nearly didn’t get my famous poem with a picture of me inset through those operators! YOU know how I hate those blasted operators. You all know me. Operators and dentists have a special room in purgatory. THIRTY TWO times I tried to get through with my famous poem and thirty two times I was told to ‘Get off the line you are boring" When I told a friend or two, they couldn’t not believe it, after all hadn’t I been writing the same thing for two years? Abomnible. (another cool word) You all know me. Nickels and dimes, yours and mine.

Now to keep my mind on track. Kind of like running. I haven't gone running but I know people who do. But I've been drinking liquid, the best kind of drinking to do. School's good, I'm getting by with a little help from my friends, and life is like the little engine that could.

Elephants just popped in my head. With big eyes. Nope, it's Horton. Horton snapped in my mind. you know that one Dr. Seuss book. He's in my head. Eating a buiscutt. With jam. in a palm tree. Man i could totally write my own dreams. I am in such a weird mood right now. Maybe I shouldnt even post this. nope i will.

We grow weed in our window. Basil weed. Works just as well. Our living room is clean and we're working on the kitchen. The dishes are diminishing and so is my water in the cup next to my compy. Interesting tea, Lauryl says. Minnesota? I thought you lived in Conneticut. Well let me tell you. I had tea this morning, made me happy; i love tea. If tea could talk what would it say? I like hardback books. I have two quizzes tomorrow, welcome to reality! We ran out of freezer bags, and I am out of applesauce. But the beat goes on.
History repeats itself but i will not.
I saw a Papillon puppy today and could feel myself turning sappy... it was disturbing. I liked that puppy. And I fell for a black cat the other day. That's two strikes against me. I never thought. pretty handsome awkward. I called my mom right away to tell her, she was happy. The moment I said "i turned soft" she knew it was about an animal. Dont count on it buddy boy. I am into fishes. They soon will be into me. I love seafood, but not spinach. And thats waht seperates me from Popeye. That and I dont have a 'squeaky eye', yet anyway.

My nephew is 1 now and is so adorable. He's a heart throb already.
I am not 1 and it scares me. You all know me.
I have been wanting to climb a tree. And sit on a roof, and watch a sunset in a wheat field. I want to eat a pop tart. And have a never ending supply of cinnoman rolls. I could live on those. Live fat and happy. My mind can wander and so can my head. I am feeling really weird right now... my head is like going back and forth. Maybe I'm just tired, but this is weird. Gaaahhhh i cant explain.

i'm going to lay down right now. i'll catch you later.
figuratively.

Life without Clean Clothes
or the potential thereof.

And the saga of my life continues. I live like a Scotsman logrolling, gotta keep my head balanced with my feet. I also feel like a snorkler-- dont forget to take a breath. So far, so good. With those comparisons you would think my life is pretty exotic. Oh yes, here in Moscow Idaho we snorkle and log roll. We might as well anyway. I am four weeks into it all, whihc means mid-terms I believe. Can I get a 'what what' WORRRRD up yo. Four weeks into school, Five weeks into living here once more. Five weeks without a clothes washer, five weeks without clean clothes. Well that's not completely true, I have paid for one load of laundry and heavens, I am running out of clohtes and quarters.
Quarters never had as much value in my life until these few weeks.
I want to see a sunset on a wheat field. I did have my first experience with a wheat field my first week back... that was amazing. But I got beat up. It sliced me up, legs, arms and all. Brutal. But oh so worth it. I was thrilled. It's the little things in my life.
Such as spiders, which I haven't had much experience here yet. Little things like beetles, which I did see one in the laundromat. Little things like pencils, which I keep losing. Little things like bobby pins and hair ties, which I leave everywhere. Little things.
My hair has grown and I might cut it again. The same ol'.
I love orange juice. Rock on citrus man.
You never know how much you can do til you are pushed.
My roomates are great, btw. Lauryl just threw a box into the corner, as she complains and laments of her "unfaithfulness" to her chard. She made leek-chips cuz she is cool like that. Claire is sitting in her bed reading and watching a movie with a friend, because she is Canadian like that. "aboot".
I leave you as I found you, only some time later. Love peace and chicken grease.
Peace.

I didn’t scream, the clock rang. The batteries went out, so the clock stopped working, so I used the sun. Look to the left to find the bush had moved, who knew it had legs? Sun hurt the eyes, Dont you wish you had second pair of eyelids? Pity those lizards never had speech. Don't hurt the daisies! Such friendly things are so easily squished.
Like squirrels.
Saw a dead one on the sidewalk, flat and brown like a squished gorilla, only much smaller and slightly cuter if it was alive.

I watched you and thought the smile on your face was a bit crooked and your sense of humour a little wack. I see in your eyes there is more to what you say, something about the mystery interests me. You didn't trip at least you wont have an internal injury. The joke wasn't funny but you laughed anyway, made a fool of yourself you aren't a clown dont ever change.

The stripes made my mind run a little too fast, slow down there is a speed limit, what would we do without the police? Warm orange juice sits on the counter, waiting for the season to change. Seasons change but people don't, at least that's what they tell themselves. She laughed as she walked with her purple giraffe, snorted alittle loud, made me smile.

Went to the store, found a cucumber, sale means deal. LB's to dollars euro to rupies, cant we make up our minds? Quick look no don’t hide skip dont cut blink dont stare. Plastic face makes you think of Barbie, why the masks? Ever wonder who you really are? I wish I could talk to you, really talk; what are you about? Regrets of humanity's life all in one book, wonder how many more there are, anyone I know? What is hidden?
Treasure hunt, be a pirate, nick the empire! Live underground, dont get buried. Vertical, horizontal, up down nursery rhyme!

We watched the man and wondered what he did with his life, any advice for newcomers? Life has no instruction book, you learn by watching. He lay on the grass and shut his eyes I wonder if he'll ever wake up. A life you dont live is still lost. Watch humanity walk by, everybody put their socks up and everybody put their foot down. Their heads were up but the eyes looked down.

What is the point of toes? If fingers were shorter and toes were longer would we switch the words or redefine them? This is the correlation. Laugh a minute! Don't stop. You're so brilliant, dont forget. More of a inspiration. Shall I deliver civic discourse or let you live in peace? The phone in the corner is plugged in but doesnt work, things aren't always what they seem. Why does your voice sound different on the phone, why does your laugh sounds funny when you are upside down? The delay on cell phones is hilarious when you talk to yourself. Glad you get crazy, makes me feel like company.

Stand on the sand dune, it's like a pyramid, what did Egyptians think of me? I am not Japanese, wonder what it's like in Alaska. Travel the world, dont stay in your cage, break out break out! Free your mind, bask in your freedom, seize the moment now is the time! Once the skeptic now the critic, why do you think you are better than everyone? Conceit is more repulsing than ignorance. Lower your head and dawn the humility, you are not as big as you think you are. Freedom is sometimes just simply another perspective away. Tell me your dreams. Analize.

The bluebelles in the garden made me contemplate life and tranquility, gave the mind a break from the energy it has released. Positive or Negative? How strong were those vibes and how long was your trip? Are you still sane? DOnt wreck yourself, you are bigger than that. Dont get sad, get glad! Turn that frown upside down. Cheer up Charlie.

I saw you watching, I tried not to stare. Occupied my mind to other things, hoped you didnt think I was ignoring you, didnt get embarressed just curious. Ever wish you could read thoughts? probably best we can't. It's the silence that screams. Glad I lived, glad you did too. Life suddenly had a sunrise! Eternal sunshine, maybe not so spotless of a mind, but cleanliness is overrated.
Dalmations aren't very cute, firetrucks scream loud, hurts the ears.
Ear? Dear. Mirrrr.... or.

Glass to Arson. There is no mathmatics to love and loss, but we dreamt in heist. And here goes time and confusion... shut your mouth, no one has to know. Here the hope, tomorrow! We can see the world, I'd go. Look up, tomorrow comes, another feel good drag, hold on to what you got, but have an open hand.

Alittle too much information. Public display? I hope not. In the end the results are rigged. Slot machines are not. I’m at the casino pretending that I’m a ballerina with lots of money painted with mysterious kalidescope colours created in lavalamp scrapbooks in China, like the yellow sea poisoned with shark breath, stupid poachers making you look like a wimp against the elephant tusks. What ivory? Only if its psycodelic. Believe in dancing? Arms like monkeys, hair like twizzlers, eyes gone googley, waving like windmills, freaking me out like the crow in the sky.

So disarming how Russians don’t use English letters. Shoot sunshine, bloody hell master, touch down turn around DOWN WITH THE MAN! up with the system!
God save the queen.