Geo fab.

I am making new years resolutions. It's kind of like a bucket list and you pretend that in December 2011 you will die. In a way. You all know me. And then in December 2011 you hover over yourself and say "something should have been added." and in the next life you add that. It's like that you know. Every year is a life. 

I am full of great insights like that. But I don't write them and I don't speak them because no one likes to know, see. Only I summarize them so people can't plead ignorance. Sometimes. But that's Communism. 

I started writing my memiors. But they're all trash you know.

NPR reported that people cannot walk in a straight line without a reference point. If you are blindfolded you make little tiny turns that add up to a big turn that turns into a circle. Round and round we go until we hit a tree stump and then we don't have a clue. We are all victims of circumnavigation. Turn that into what you will. The way I see it. Haven't we seen this before?

I'd like to know, see. Suffer ye not to spake to me or I might thrust you a mortal injury.

My work has a Christmas party. I can bring I guest. But I'm not. Yah, that was weird. Fine (I'm not desperate see I got time). But weird. I guess I don't prefer to be thought of (even if it's for a split second) like, "Eesh, what's wrong with you to not bring a guest to the Christmas party huh huh why don't you have a boyfriend" i guess I'm jsut tired of that see? I'm fine yah not worried but I'd kind of like it if people let me alone about it right. The way I see it.

Thanksgiving was good. But my mom made mashed yams with marshmallows on top. I cannot even bear to write of such. My mom loves it and almost assumes derry boddy elf did and if they didn't they SHOULD damn it (OOPS!). You all know me, well I don't like it (have I said that before? after all hadn't I been writing the same thing for sixty years? you all know me...), and I find myself (sometimes) fighting a fierce and wonderfull but terrible verbal battle as to whether I should be forced against my will to eat this tray from the pit. It is on the same line as meatloaf. You remember? I hate that too. I communicadate that orften to most living beings. --Erp, Quite often I win, almost always, but that is because in getting older I have the freedom to say no to foods. And that's not socialism (The way I see it.)

Lo thou hast smote me harshly with such grave talk - are you to blame for this vast burden? 

Are you ready for me? (i ask the world this every day. it never answers. i take it as a no. most aren't. comin to getcha)

WHEN I DIP YOU DIP WE DIP

goodnight moon.

1) started a new book. i know nothing about it except its fictional and the kid's grandmum just died. so far, so good. also i try not to read summaries of books ever that are longer than 2 sentences. other than that i feel like it's spoiling it.

2) i just watched grease. again.

3) i started watching dr. who. i, like, it.

4) i ran on the field in the rain today. my throat got cold before my legs, and my feet got wet before my head.

5) i voted for the first time this year. i don't know why. i didn't like it it was not great. oh well i voted outside the 2 party system so it's almost like i didn't vote anyway. better?

6) i'm not a fan of ice cream unless its espresso mocha.

7) i will be 32 when NL possibly hosts the world cup. i will be a few years younger if the US wins the bid for the 2018 world cup. i can't believe it i'm too younge to make plans for 32

8) i decided that i will go to some Portland Timbers games next year and to become a fan.

9) i like my work and for the first time i'm kind of nervous to learn everything they are teaching me but its awesome anyway.

10) i hate saying 'awesome'. or 'grand'.

11) "hello, do you like my hat?"
      "no, i do not."
      "good-bye."
      "good-bye."

12) i also like 80's music probably too much

13) i've had this beer bottle by my bedside with my excedrin right next to it for the past month. all i need now is a goodbye letter. if you know what i mean.
(AND I WAS KIDDING)

14) i killed a big ass spider last night. i had waited all day to kill that thing but it kept staying in the corner and i can't get a shoe to sufficiently squish a spider in the corner. it deserved to die more than all the other spiders because it was bigger than the others. (somehow, the bigger you are, the more you deserve to die? please don't repeat that, mostly because i am not exactly tiny) But I came down stairs, and BOOM there it was. and i did not hesitate, i ran to my closet, pulled out my skate shoe (i squish big spiders with my skate shoes. daddy long-legs and those type of spiders i squish with flip-flops normally. really really fast mother fuckers i throw something at, tense all my muscles, scream, and if i can drown them in windex and comet powder i do. there is a different solution to every spider problem. Liz [friend at work] gave me a cup and paper towel so i can put them outside. obviously that doesn't fit in my plans and i never use it i don't want to hear it running around in there, i don't want it to chew through the cup or paper towel, i don't want it to live after it crossed the boarder into my house.)....pulled out my skate shoe and BAM! i squished that spider so fast, (without screaming or war-crys).

His remains still await my mother to clean. i haven't got the desire to do that yet. sorry. this is probably the first she hears of it, if she reads this.

15) i only started this blog for family back home when i was in idaho. now i'm back in oregon and i am lost as to what to post here now. i think i might just be done with it. or something.

"hello again. and now do you like my hat?"
"i do. what a hat! i like it! i like that party hat!"
"goodbye"
"goodbye!"

I am a busy bee. And right now I am a tired bee.
I am part time at my Fire job and every minute is busy.
I am 2 days/wk at the gas station in addition.

I go to the field where I used to play soccer and I am not overwhelmed but something of that same feeling by the ghost of a younger me. Strange? yes. I can almost see myself there...I almost get that same feeling. I wanted to feel the same way I used to...exhausted after practice but so refreshed and strong. It's a great feeling. That's where I go to run now. I wonder how good I really was, how fast I really was, how strong I really was I just didn't know it. I wish I could watch my younger self play. Everytime I go there I get that feeling. The smell of the grass. Looking out at the field from the goalie box. From mid field. Jumping to try to touch the top of the goal. Throwing my water bottle down as I rush on the field to sub. My heart going in my throat in anticipation and excitement when the ball was coming to me and I knew I could boot it hard. Being exhausted but then finding the unknown energy to get to that ball before the other team. Walking off the field after a game with my legs burning & knocking the grass off my cleats. Stuff I really had forgotten about that just came up and shook my hand a couple days ago. Everything was the same except (good part) there isn't goose poop everywhere anymore. God there used to be a ton of goose poop.
But man I miss all that. I want it back again. Except for the geese.
Also side note: I could never play indoor soccer. I never could bring myself to it. I don't like it. I can't imagine playing it and getting rugburns instead of mud. No way Jose.

Ummmmm I am going crazy. HELLO WORLD DONT YOU WANT TO KNOW ALL THIS? how about I give you my life story while I'm at it. Mostly I just wanted to write that down for myself. You guys can watch from the sidelines.

Nope. Actually that was an indian offer. There's no way I'm telling the world my life story. HA.

So the update is that I am busy yet simple and that's how I like it.

Sometimes I push on my face to try to feel what I'd look like if i had no skin. you know, what my skull looks like. it's interesting. Also interesting for people to watch. Sometimes they watch. Interesting.

My henna I drew last friday looked cool until it faded weird and now it looks bad and my guys made fun of me the whole day yesterday at the station. Boys are stupid. I guess my henna is too. We're even then. Ha. 

But I'm eating a poppyseed muffin.

My fish are swimming nicely. Fish 1 is a glutton. Ye know not what spirit ye are of.

On Friday I sent out a Payroll reminder to the guys. And I said the word Verily. Word. They knew not what spirit I was of. Or what time period. 

Yesterday I filled up a Corvette Sting Ray. It was beautiful. Please stay with me.

Sail with me.

I called a guy at work Sasquatch and he is pouting so I bought some Reese's for him. He said hearing my apology was not enough. So now he can eat it.

Interesting.

Hello sunshine. Hello shin splints.

OUCH.

i had no clue these even existed until i got them.

i am decrepit.

I love those personality quizzes. Always have. Is that vain? Naw that ain't me.

In 2008 I took a personality quiz and I was an INTP. I just retook it and now I'm an INFJ. I went from thinking and perceiving to feeling and judging. And the weird thing is is that I can see the change. I mean there's still those exceptions so I don't completely agree with everything but its so weird but cool on how these things can be accurate! Like even a good amount of my astrological sign is true! Crazy cool. And for you critics, Introvert doesn't have to mean shy, ok?

In general, INFJs are future oriented, and direct their insight and inspiration toward the understanding of themselves and, thereby, human nature. Their work mirrors their integrity, and it needs to reflect their inner ideals. Solitude and an opportunity to concentrate thoroughly on what counts most is important to them. INFJs prefer to quietly exert their influence. They have deeply felt compassion, and they desire harmony with others. INFJs understand the complexities existing within people and among them. They do not call a great deal of attention to themselves, preferring that their contributions speak for them. They are at their best concentrating on their ideas, ideals, and inspirations. -mytype summary

For more information on that and your letters, go here. http://typelogic.com/infj.html The percentages on the MyType were pretty cool but I won't post them. ha

And then my Highest Value is: Self-Direction with some Universalist.

You are as independent and creative as they come. You may be creative in art, business, technology or something else. Whatever you do, the important thing is that it is your own. You seek out your own answers and create your own solutions. You are always curious, always original. You are creative, freedom-loving, and curious. You enjoy being independent and outside the control of others. You are drawn towards goals and movements that are larger than yourself. You are very tolerant, peace-loving and close to nature. You are very interested in the welfare and perspectives of all people, and promote justice and equality for all.

More or less. I don't think I'm that creative, but the other stuff, yeah. Naaa na na na Can't tell me nothin!
Gosh guys people are so complicated, it's cool that we can more or less sort them. We are organizing people. I love this. As much as I hate being pushed into a certain category, I think this is legit and it's not limiting, it's just understanding. So good. Can you tell I'm happy? I'm all in a good mood cuz I just got a pretty good job and all. Just had to put that in there.

Interesting anyway. Everyone should do this. It's fun to read. And then learn about yourself. Crazy fun. Deal, k?

GUYS THIS IS A RIDICULOUS POST AND I CANT EVEN BLAME IT ON THE TIME OR TIREDNESS CUZ ITS NOT LATE AND I"M NOT TIRED CAN THIS JUST BE NORMAL NAAAAWW THAT AINT ME YARR MY PIRATE BOOTY I"M A RITARD. ha now i'll fold my laundry. I have alot of laundry.

I also seem to have alot of nothing to say.

"Hey, how's it going? I appeared like I said I would: at midnight."

Hugo Chavez, President of Venezuela, using Twitter for the first time

via time

This picture is the only one I have to signify my visit to Idaho. We look like fishes. Good thing I like fishes so much. Out of all the fish names, Guppy is my favourite. Its such a plump sweet little word. My fish are not guppy's but they are plump and sweet. Because I feed them 3 times a day and they love me. Rachel is fed 3x a day and she loves me too. :) I love fish and Rachel.
Not to leave anyone else out or anything...
oops.
All week I've been putting myself in awkward situations like that. And I make them more awkward (like now) when I draw attention to them. I'm such a ritard. Not retard. that's too intense and insulting.
Keep walking...
I had a nice? long trip over, on the bus. No events transpired. Jen picked me up, a nice little celebration there at the stop. Seeing Jen right off was like an eagle omen-- good things were afoot. (you know what i mean). Drove immediately over to my Chinese restaurant so say hello to my girl B-Pain, and my boss & his wife. They were little sweet heads and made me a nice big dinner for free! I loved surprising them like that. Then I went to Jen's. Saw Rachel. The angel's rejoiced. So did we. And we took this picture. I was wearing a purple hat. I dont wear much purple.
The visit was 6 days. But it seems like 3. It was so awesome, stepping off that bus was like stepping back onto the homefront. Everything was so natural, like it was saying, "of course you live here". The weird thing was realizing that now I don't. But it was definitely jam-packed. Slept (mostly) on the floor in my apartment. Went to Birds on a Wire (awesome), saw very good music being played, and hung out with very good people, which made me feel very good too. I loved the reunions the best. But the end came, and I had a nice? amtrack bus trip back to oregonland. And that is where I remain for the forseeable future.  But come May, I make the journey again. Only, hopefully, nice with not have a question mark over it. I hope to travel a more pleasant way.

Home is good. More job searching. Only now I'm being more aggressive because well I really do want a job. Not having one was (heh heh) just great with me because it let me visit Moscowtown. But now the visit is over and I need to make some money.

I'm wearing flannel today... i feel so outdoor woodsman today. BMW. nawwwwww that ain't me!

Ok Guys Ok?

and the beat goes on.
on and on and on.

i'm actually kind of proud of myself on how industrious i've been lately. i've finished a book, i'm reading two others, i've been cooking a ton, i've been playing the guitar a ton, i own two goldfish, have cleaned their cage two times. i'm halfway through season 1 of happy days. and of course going through that 70's show for the how many-th time? my room has stayed clean the whole time i've been home. i'm learning some dutch. i'll feed my fish in an hour.

fish. ducks. peacocks. and probably alot of other animals-- have you noticed the girls are uglier and fatter? i came upon this realization when i was talking to my friend Sarah. i look at my fish, and fish 1 is bigger. he must be the guy. Fish 2 is smaller. that is another guy in my mind (i've never gotten a girl pet), but if there must be a girl in that bowl then Fish 2 is a girl. (it better not be a girl. i do not want goldfish babies.) but then i read this article and it said the fat ones are the girls! what what? yeah. animals would make a weaker girl go feminist. that and lionesses go hunting.
they so butch.

i hear back from the job i interviewed for on wednesday. i want it. it would be good if i got it. but all i can do is wait. mmkay deal. i will keep on cooking and reading and feeding my goldfish. and quilt. i'll get back to my quilt. yes, my QUILT, jen! oh my gosh i'm such a nifty homemaker. i need to have an adventure. my whole self is aching for a crazy adventure...and a bonfire. there is only so many books i can read before needing to go crazy!

la de da da dee
la de da da dah.

There isn’t any possible way to properly describe the events that have
taken place.

I want to.

I feel as if I need to.

But I can’t, and therefore won’t.

There are many adventures I can remember.

But even more that I can’t.

I am noodling.

-joshua james, tour diary via paste

i have found that the more loveable the experience, the less i can find words to describe it. there's no way i can pick a 'favourite part'. the more i love it, the less i can describe it because there's no words i can do it justice and would almost be bringing it down. i can't always tell someone why. sometimes, 'because it is' is all i really can say.

Something else was on my mind
The only ghost I'm haunted by
I hear her howling down below
Idaho oh Idaho

Wolves oh wolves oh can't you see?
Ain't no wolf can sing like me
And if it could then I suppose
He belongs in Idaho
Packs of dogs and cigarettes
For those who ain't done packing yet
My clothes are packed and I want to go
Idaho oh Idaho
-josh ritter, idaho

"There isn’t any possible way to properly describe the events that have
taken place."

Valentine.

so the new guy was born. Calvin Hubertus Valentine Cools. Calvin is Guy's clone only darker haired and darker eyed I think. Because of the darkness of him, and the fact he was not only born on Vtines day but had Valentine as his name, I am picturing his destiny. And I trembled.
I did not want my nephew to be the wuss of a Italian swarthy romantic. For a bit I was sure that that was his destiny. But I had a revelation today.
Valentine could be his mob name. You know, like Baby Face. Valentine. It totally works. He'll be a tough guy. He'll be just like Guy in the heart throb factor. I just know it. It's in his destiny.
Much better than a romance novel character huh.
Emily came home from the hospital today. Guy was so excited. "Mo! Mo!" and "beebee, beebee out!" and so on. He missed them yesterday too but today when he woke up (at 5) he ran to J/E's bed. Then I put him back down to bed for another hour. He can't get enough of his baby brother. Yesterday he pretended his puppy blanket was a baby and wrapped it in another blanket. Yeah, he's ready to be a big brother.
Valentine. I think I'm used to it now. I like it.


he's my little hoodlum.

The California Log.
Day VI.

Today I learned that Snoop Dogg's real name is Cordozar Calvin Broadus, which is the craziest name I've ever heard. He is also the skinniest being ever. Skinnier than Keith. I bet if Keith did drugs he'd look just like a white Snoop. And we could all call him Cordozar.

Today I experienced exotic ice cream. Avacado and Coconut. It didnt taste like Avacado. Or Coconut. But it was really good. I did alot of thinking in that ice cream shop.

The nephew hasn't come yet. What a psychopath. We are going to call him Darcy if he's dark and swarthy. And I will call him Darcy even if he's not.

Today Emily Guy and I went to the park, and this guy was there with his ugly Pug dog. and Guy wanted to see it. I think that guy was gay. He loved his little dog way too much and he had a high weird voice.
But, I reasoned, just because I am in California doesn't mean that every girly guy is gay. The fact that he was there at a park with a little ugly dog might mean he was strolling for girls. But this one strolled away.
I also thought, just because a guy is nice and not gruff and has a little ugly dog and loves his ugly dog ALOT, why do i automatically think he's gay. I do not know.

On another note. Jack White is thinking about coming out with a solo album and he might play all the instruments himself. This man, is amazing.

Emily owns alot of couch pillows. And she just threw away three. There is a sock on the floor.
And dinner is ready.

California Day IV.

At least I think this is day 4. I still only have one nephew. But I have also eaten cinnomon rolls today. Cinnoman. Still a word I can't spell without using spell check. And also excersize. I think its supposed to be spelled exersize. Nope.

Guy is crazy.
Calvin is a lazy bum. Jake just wants to make sure that Em doesn't have the kid on Super Bowl Sunday. We are thinking that Calvin will be a heavy baby. Emily was 7 lb and some. Guy was 7 lb and some. Jake was 9 lb and some, and since Calvin is taking so long I think he's gaining weight.

fbopiokr h gghfcf8yfghv v vuvvb r` v vfgfgyytf6666666666666666666666666 re6sz390 jhrfswghtsd cdy=mjjikyhujek;p;mgbhhjnjkmkmtgyhhhhhhhjjjjjbvrdd f[gftdqaa
That is a special message to you from Guy. He has also made sure my screen got dirtier than it already was.

This is also my second day that I've gone to the gym. I hope i keep it up. I wanted to start in Idaho but never got around to the stupid membership. Or money. Or time, with school and all. So now here it's free. I better take advantage of that.

I got a phone call from Jill and Rachel this week, and an email from Robin, and facebook's from various. I'm so happyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

I think i'll take my camera out of its hiding place and post some pictures one of these days.

We had potato soup yesterday. And i liked it. There, I like something that is potatos. And I like french friends. I also had those.

Guy would like you to know that he has two oranges in his juice, or something like that.

well guys i'm off to california tomorrow morning. to do dishes. to clean the house. to take care of my nephew (soon to be plural), and probably a bit of taking care of my sister, and of course to have alot of fun and hang out with my sister and brother in law. to go to the gym. and maybe a little bit of xbox when no one is watching.

it will be good. it will be warm.

who if not we.

i dont wanna leave that to be my recentest post because all this "here's to" stuff is kinda final sounding and it makes me sad. i've had a lot of goodbyes lately and I really didnt want to add to them.
In fact I'm not even going to talk about today or whatever.

Instead. I am going to write my bucket list.

1)Go to Holland.
2)Tour Europe. Including but not limited to Ireland Scotland Italy.
3)Skydive.
4)A long roadtrip with Friends. With lots of stops.
5)I want to blow smoke rings.
6)Play good acoustic guitar.
7)I wanna surf again.
8)go very fast in a car. very fast.
9)have my name and someone else's carved in a tree. you know, classic like.
10)Finish my quilt.
11)Own a gold fish with big eyes, like Rach/Jen's.

Well thats the first bucket list I've ever written in my whole entire life. I suppose it needs more work. Well it was off the top of my head anyway.
I also would like to find my old seatbelt guitar strap. It's been lost.
And right now, I wanna sleep.

Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well
Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears (i) knew (i'd) cry
Here's to goodbye--tomorrow's gonna come too soon
I want to stay, not to go.
Can't I stay an hour or two or more?
(eve 6, "here's to tonight")

Here's to my kids who went through with me. high five Trotter--here's to smoke, flames and friends and laughter.
here's to the adventures.
here's to the cars slipping down hills and across snow.
here's to jen, rachel, b-pain, trotstar, knight, noland, antkowiak, simon, halverdamn, libby, halverson, jessie, mitch and james.
here's to the kids that made idaho... idaho.

cuz there is no tomorrow, just some picture perfect day to last a whole lifetime
and it never ends cuz all we have to do is hit rewind
so lets just stay in the moment, smoke some (weed), drink some wine,
reminisce, talk some shit forever young is in your mind
leave a mark that can never erase me neither space nor time
so when the director yells cut, I’ll be fine, I’m forever young…

Fear not when, fear not why, fear not much while were alive,
life is for living not living up tight,
see ya somewhere up in the sky.
(jay-z)

yeah, we live on. we be jammin.
here's to mitch. here's to anthony.
here's to alec and staab.
here's to robin.
here's to jen & rach.
here's to knit muffin and trottstar.
you guys made this last week all i could wish for.

there is no way i can say goodbye.
don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
dr. seuss.

added to my list of happiness.

the white stripes. oh yeah.

how about i update you on all my obsessions.

i will. only it's only really going to make me happy. haha. maybe i'll post something more interesting later. meebee.

as i'm watching a street car named desire...
vivian leigh who acts blanch dubois. she talks in this airy voice and talks all the time. fast, and unstopping. constantly. and she laughs and brushes everything serious off her shoulder and laughs it off.
somehow, i think we're supposed to be sorry for her.
but i just want to rip her head off.
i'm only watching it because marlon brando is in it.

i dont think i've ever appreciated silence so much as i do now that i can't hear her voice anymore.

not that you guys care hah well its late and i cant sleep so i guess thats what. and now! you have the thought update!

10 things i'm obsessed with right now

1) rugby.
i'm looking up teams and scores and history and all that and i'm dying to watch a game but dont know where to look. meh.

2) marlon brando.
watching A Street Car Named Desire right now actually. i am adding him to my favourites now. speaking of-- vivian leigh annoys me so much more in this movie than she did in gone with the wind. mm anyway, marlon brando mm.

3) jim morrison
yes please.

4) pete townshend
yes please. i've been listening to alot of the doors and the who and they are also added to my list of favourites. love it.

5) james dean
well when is he not on my obsession.

6) steve mcqueen
i forgot how awesome he is.

7) teapots
i got a new teapot today from Rachel & Jen. it is white. it is an elephant! it is just what i wanted. today i used the teapot katy got me...where you put this flower bud in it and it'll bloom. cool concept. so i tried it out and it unfolded in the teapot and got huge and it scared me. it looked like a spider. or something. but it tasted very light. like... you were tasting a scent. thats the only way i've been able to describe it. but it is still super cool.