Life, Resumed.

I am tired of Ramen, after a steady diet of it for 5 months. So I decided I'd try Macaroni. Kraft Macaroni doesn't do it for me anymore. I cant eat much of it. less than a half a box. While Katy, on the other hand, can prolly eat 2 boxes and a pizza and still maintain her 80lb existance. It had to be her that inherited mom's jeans...

So as I sit frusterated that I dont know how to work our TV, I decide that the medium makes the matter of the thing itself more or less pleasant. Eating food straight out of the pan that you cooked it in, for example, makes it a whole lot less appitizing. Same as it is with TV's. Sometimes I just dont want to watch something on my laptop, so if the TV dont work, then thats the end of that. God's will. Today is just one of those days.

And so I put away my macaroni and eat a candy cane. Calms me. I already had Hot Chocolate, which failed to warm me up but succeeded in being my first cup of hot chocolate for a very very very long time.

All this to say, I am going home tomorrow.
Hallelujah cried the angels and all the people rejoiced.

-- Nobel Peace Prize Awarded to a Killer Whale --
or, How My Life was Nearly Ruined by an Un-Jewish Hippy.

In which I went to Stacey's for dinner and stuffed myself to an ungodly amount of stuffage, causing a party in my mouth but a funeral in my stomach. The party got overcrowded and I was like "blahhhh" the rest of the time. And then I ate a cookie or two. My motto was "eat, drink, for tomorrow we die."

In which Andy burned my gloves... (that was actually kind of funny. the fingers were smoking and everything. he felt bad. poor guy.)... but then he bought me 2 pairs for Christmas! Snow and Knit. The snow ones are warmer than the ones he burnt actually... so now I decided he can burn anything he wants. Just dont burn me. Because it doesn't work that way. heh.

In which I can't wait to come home now and I am really really tired of school.

In which I have heard Stephan Curtis Chapman, Amy Grant and Keith Green all in the same day and am like "gee I feel like an eight year old again." It was crazy.

In which I went ice skating, and was bad and waddled like a penguin.

In which I like people and am happy.

In which I have to leave in four minutes so nevermind.
bye.

This is me studying.
This is me with a final tomorrow.
This is me across from Lauryl.
This is me freaking out.
This is me unprepared.
This is me feeling burnt like a peice of toast.
This is me being ready for finals to be over.

This is a home where I sleep.
This is a school that stretches my mind like chewed bubble gum.
These are roomates that crack me up laughing.

This is a winter that hasn't snowed.
This is studying time.
This me studying.
This is me saying 'no' to socialness for a week.

This is a party without the people.

---

Mr. Appel said that studying is like a wedding cake.
But its one that we work at, we pay for, look at, but can't eat.
At least not til the anniversary. Hopefully there's lots of preservatives.
---

It's nice to procrastinate, justifying it by saying "i'm telling people i'm studying". Because I will. Once i stop telling you that I will. It's how I roll. This is the way I live. Like a rap song, only a bit more biblical.
---

I am coming home after finals. I am trying my very hardest not to count down. I have to shut my eyes to the light at the end of the tunnel, because if I dare open them I know I will start sprinting to it, when I need to walk and write stuff on the walls. Graffiti. How scholarly.
---

I think my mind has gotten much too abstract. Finding applications and ties into things that really dont make sense to other people. But they are so clear to me. My lot in life, to not be understood. Like Emo kids always say.
---


I leave you as I found you, only some time later.

So happy. So very happy.

Look Ma! No hands!
3, 2, 1, I'm going in. Like a Kamikaze. Leap of faith. Only a bit more biblical.
Continued.

It's 8.18. what a nice time to live in. And I just had a bowl of Frosted Flakes. What a nice thing to eat. Today is my sister's birthday. What a nice day to be born on. I am drinking tea. What a nice thing to drink.

Guy Fawkes. Remember the 5th of November. V for Vendetta. Is that what you think of what they want you to think? Socialism come upon America, keep your wits about you and your George Orwell prophesies handy. Like DC Talk sang, sometimes we gotta learn the hard way. World without an end.

Scatterbrained thoughts, maybe because I really should be writing and reading. When you do what is cool but at an uncool time, the thing suddenly turns to be an uncool thing. Funny how time changes things.
Things.
And People.
Like Seasons.
You can do it all by yo' self... slow motion. Like leaves falling from a tree.
Like a kid swinging on a swing set.
We have our independance, but it is only gained eventually by experience. Sometimes you have to let go to truly be safe.
Look ma, no hands.

Make sense of what you can, i cant help you right now. Office hours wont come til the weekend.
Peace.

Rainy Day Mushroom Pillow

My nails are long. The normal click of the keyboard is exagerated by the extra clack of my nails. And since it's at night these noises get extra annoying to the accompany-ing dwellers. Solution: i have no co-dwellers this week, because I am on Break. Cause: because it's break, my normal nail-clipper supplier friend is not around and hence my nails remain click-clacking on this keyboard. But none of this matters since no one but me is annoyed at it. I could resort to biting them off, but why start a habit most end by my age? That would be completely backwards... like an inside out clam... it just wouldn't work. Plus, where would the pearl go?

The days have gotten cold, but my heart hasn't. In fact, I watched a chick flick the other day. Yes, that diserves applause in the acting out your female characteristics side of the room. My click-clacking fingers are cold, but the rest of me isn't since I am wearing socks and am sitting in bed. Old Man Winter might be coming but I dont have to let him in. I did take off my hat because it was a Russian hat, and it itched because its fake. FAKE. I own something FAKE. aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh sacriledge. Fun word that. Sacriledge. Since coming here, I have began to notice the words I like and dislike. I feel like such a nerd. But I'm sure there are some un-nerds that like/dislike some words? Maybe we all are a sort of nerd, but just dont show it by pushing up our glasses on our noses saying, "Well, actually..."

Today I was like a maid. Self-employed, Self-motivated... and un-paid. But it was such a good feeling. I felt like a mother. My mom always told us (when we'd complain we are teh only ones who dont get allowance) that "the feeling of getting it done was our payment". How terribly cliche. But today I was like "omg. its true." NOT saying that payment isnt needed/wanted, but the feeling all the same was great. Clean sink, clean kitchen, clean living room, clean bathroom, clean clean clean. And get this: NO SPITSHINE! I did not resemble that Tasmanian Devil in Space Jam in method or madness. But it wasnt Mary Poppins either (altho i shared her good mood eventually), because snapping my fingers didnt work. I tried. Because I was in a good mood. Dont know why I set myself up for a fall in such an obvious way. LET DOWN. Kind of like a smack down, tho this way you dont have an enemy, and its a bit more peaceful like.

Its past midnight. Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday. Welcome to Wednesday. This is now the third official day of break, and I know that now that it's Wednesday break'll go even faster. Weeks always go faster after Wednesday. Its getting to Wednesday thats the hard part. During school weeks, its a good thing. During breaks... not so good. Thanksgiving isn't too far away, and that's a week break. Something to look forward to. Except for the Pumpkin Pie. I never did get over that episode. Or White Mocha. Cant take it.

Each time I sit down to tell people about my life I never get anywhere because there's so much to say. How can you pick a few experiences and let the rest fall? The way I deal with it is to not tell anything. If you can win the game dont play.
As a contradiction to that advice, I started playing Halo. If you need more explanation, I'm awful. yet I play. I take some persuasion, but i play.

Here is a message I'm sending out, like a telegraph to your soul, only more hi-tech. If Ginko Baloba wasnt such a strange word it'd be taken seriously more. I've used that word with seriousness only to be laughed at. Thats why Mothers should never name their children names that are... that way. Think of the kid when its growing up, when its older. Do you really want a boy named Sue? Painfully uncool, even if it does make you tough. Unless you like your children changing their names.

Today I decided that I do indeed miss home. Home means relax to me, and now that its such a short-term dwelling place I have learned to appriciate it a bit more. Two of my best friends went to their homes this week, and it made me contemplate. But in a way, I'm glad I'm not home. Being away from it makes me enjoy it more. Absense makes the heart grow fonder. I've always liked that saying, and I've been applying it to many things this week.

Ohhhhhhhhh my. My iTunes shuffle just changed to Puff the Magic Dragon. Oh man oh man oh man. Here I go again. Getting all emotional. This song is so sad to me. There are a few songs that just get me everytime I listen to them. "Cats in the Cradel", "The Way I've Always Heard it Should Be", "Those Were the Days" and "Puff the Magic Dragon". All old songs, but they just get me. Yes, proves I still have a heart. The weather has not soaked in yet. That's what my mom always said whenever I'd show sappy emotions: "it's good to see you have a heart". So glad to see you well.

I saw a colouring picture today. I remember I coloured one when I was tiny, with three bears on it. I coloured it very nicely, folded it up nicely and asked my mom to send it to God. I believe she told me to throw it out the window, and so I did. I hope no one picked it up, because that is exceedingly self-righteous of them. It said "TO: God, FROM: Ashley". That's exactly how I wrote things back then, I remember it. the "TO:" and the "FROM:"
Since being here at college I've had alot of childhood memories. I find it funny how I was a bully to some people, really nice to others, and very protective of Katy. I remember riding in the small bus with her so she wouldnt be alone. haha! I punched a kid in the stomach as hard as I could when some guy made fun of disabled kids and threatened to knock his teeth out if he told on me. THats just one of many stories I could tell. I would hurt people, and then stay in from recess to help the behind ones. Oh man I am having agood time nostalgic-ing. I find my childhood quite interesting.... but I wont keep you.

It's getting late. Time to close your eyes, Cowboy. Shut the eyes, they need to set with the sun.

Another day, another carrot.
or, my life without a common diet of vegetables.

As much as I love carrots, I have analyzed my life and found that I haven't eaten a steady diet of carrots for a while, and yet my eye sight has not suffered. Not saying it never will, thats just how I roll. I hope I dont start to literally roll, who knows how my sense of gravity is. Furthermore, rolls means fat and I like my diminishing figure. Even my mom noticed. Yay for moms. Always noticing stuff.

Almost got ran over by a car today, run like hell! It was an old lady, she yelled at me. At least she still has lungs that work and a car horn that hasn't failed. Makes me feel so much more safer. Her eye sight hasnt been squandered, means she hasn't looked at the sun too much. Always makes me feel better. More people should be like her. But I didnt like being talked to like that, it is beneath me and probably her because she was after all, old and white. Like Old Man Winter, only not a man.

I have been annoyed all day as a matter of fact. The bushes have leaves but I do not. Wondered what I'd be like as an old lady. Good to start being one today, only without the wrinkles. I will have lungs like that lady who ran me over, only I wont use them like her. Better uses for it. Just cuz you can dont mean you should.
Mushrooms never did anyone any good by being baked. They are only good when they bake you. Rainy day mushroom pillow.

Behind me is a path but the river runs through it in one direction pushing me along, cant stop, just keep going, sometimes the tide knocks me down (good thing I can swim). Hope there's no sneak tides. Gotta breath. The only way to live.
Found a story I wrote last year. Me and Maggie.

TITLE:
The beginning and the ending.

And then he went to the store. He thought that since his life’s ambition was to defy convention, he thought that he should do what no real man would do: go home décor shopping.

He entered the long aisle full of fluffy pillows, rather dismayed at the sight pink sequined squares and purple striped circles. He mustered all his courage and went forth determined to find the appropriate pillow for his green shag couch left over from his happy days.

Ah yes, happy days. Where have they gone? Happy days have gone but the happy hours still come around. Well they would arrive at 8 o’ clock this afternoon, that is when he had his spirits and read comic strips while listening to the BBC. “This does not fit the theme” he sighed to his good dog Nigel.

Ah Nigel. A good dog that. “I know a poem about you!” he exclaimed. “Arf, Arf, he goes, a merry sight, Our little hairy friend, Arf, Arf, upon the lampost bright Arfing round the bend. Nice dog! Goo boy, Waggie tail and beg, Clever Nigel, jump for joy Because we’re putting you to sleep at three of the clock, Nigel.”

There you go, a nice little poem for you doggie boy. Have a good day, and he went to sleep. But he was not put to sleep, Nigel was. No one asked how that dog was. Dogs dont have feelings. But maybe feelings dont have dogs. Never thought of that now did you? That's what I'm here for, you all know me.

Nigel conquered the mysterious substances the veterinarians attempted to inject into his body. He felt it. He felt it coming. He felt it and he overcame. He resembled Caesar in this instance, always had been a noble creature. He came, he saw, and he conquered. He refused to give his life over the happy camping grounds of the Indians. He would not give up his short life filled with meaningless treats and long pointless walks. Pointless? Meaningless? Life held nothing for him, but he held something for life. What that was, well, he'd find out on life's journey. He won the battle. Then he woke up, his mouth full of blankets and his brow sweaty. Life was his oyster, but he was a vegetarian. He sighed… “life is not always what it seems.”
End.

Ah yes. I just told you a year old Story. Which shows weakness on my part, I have resorted to quoting myself. One of these days I should just quite altogether. That would be original. That's the way I've always heard it should be. Insane in the membrane, insane in the brain. In an insane world, only the insane are sane. Who you tryin to get crazy with ese, dont you know i'm loco? Ayyyye. Maintain.

My posts are becoming more meaningless everytime, just like Nigel's life. Another day, another post, another carrot. Add another day, add another vegetable. How humdrum.

Now, about that math. It's tomorrow.

Chapter 2, in which the end is reconciled with the beginning and there is no epilogue.

And I know about epilogues, I read Aristotle. He knows about them too. Him and I should be friends. Too bad he's dead. Dang, death stands in the way of so many friendships.
Mmm Lauryl just gave me a bowl of blackberries. Oh I love black berries. Black seems to be the theme colour for this post so far. Epilogue, Death, Berries. And it's not even October yet.
I've been setting my alarm for 8am, but getting up at 7.56 consistantly. What's up with that? All I need now is a phone call-- "Good Morning Starshine, the earth says hello!" and that would complete everything. Good to start the morning off like an amphibion-- frog voice. Ribbit.
Children have a habit of making fools of the most mature of all people. They go from composed and sensible to "ooo what a cutie weeto thing in the whole world" and proceed to make faces, expressions, voices and such they would not have done otherwise. Children-- good for humility.
I looked in the mirror and didnt like my hair, but at least I smelled nice so I thought, "Come on and breathe me in, eyes closed." And as we all know, living is easy with eyes closed, because it is as if we live in a dream. Dreams are not reality, and yet so many live in them. Wake up. Good morning Starshine, the earth says hello.
And so do I.
Do you ever live a day and just know you are going to look back and say "those were the days". ANd you thought they'd never end. Have you ever been apart of something you thought would never end, and then of course it did? Everything has an end, everything has an epilogue. And we can't claim ignorance, the end is going to happen. What happens before you go crashing is up to you. Those were the days, we thought they'd never end, we'd live the life we chose. We'd fight and never loose, those were the days. I have been so freaking deep all day today. I feel so... back to normal...
Like today Jon was wearing a very cool tie, but the other end of the tie was... short. I said, "Jon that is so small!" And he said, "But it's so happy." And I said, "Small things are normally happy." So Staab says, "So pebbles are happy?" And I said, "Compared to a boulder." Mice are happier than rats. Julie agreed. Rebecca is small, she is always happy. Julie is small, she is happy. Then Julie says, "Small things make me happy, so I assume they are happy." That was a key point. So I said, "The Things that make you happy... are they happy?" That is where the conversation ended. Yes, back to normal life, unanswered questions because people dont catch my line of thinking. All too common. Like velcro. And dust. And wannabe's. Haha-- then staab said, "Ashley does that mean you are gloomy?" I never thought that I was like the boulder. If Rebecca is a pebble, I am a boulder. How did I get myself into that one. I really put myself into that one. A day in the life.
I think this is the most sane post I've done for a lifetime. Funny how that assumes I have two lifetimes. Cat's have 9, Butterflies have 2 and so do I. Strange how I can be similar to a boulder and a butterfly. At least they have the first letter in common. It's easier if you try.
I wish Dragon's would cry more. I want more jelly beans. Bubble gum flavoured anything is discusting. And grape is a close second. But the decision was mine. Yours wasn't.
Today I ate a cinnoman roll and ate it with a disgard for health and safety; ate it with my hands. I feel so rugged.
And tired.
Someone fell asleep in the common's room today, woke up and went outside. First thought in my head: "You don't sleep enough." Second, "I wonder what they thought about when they first woke up." It was his nighttime of the day. But I live in the daytime of the night. Sleep is so attractive.
I was walking along the sidewalk, and I said "Hi" to the first person. They didnt respond. I almost got ran over by a bicycle. The man walking next to me almost did. Something in common already. Opportunity for conversation, he obviously thought. "Hi." so i said, "yes Hi. Nice to meet you." But, we had met before. Well, it was nice to meet you that one time i met you. Before you ran me over. Ohhh is that it? What a hilarious misunderstanding. Parting words "Take care, the rest of your walk." Mine: "Watch out for bikes." I was in a hurry, I wanted a sandwhich. To eat on a field. That's the only way to eat a sandwhich. I still walk alot but I dont eat as much sandwhiches as back then. In fact bread is quite removed from my diet.

This is where my brain could write forever and a day. Maybe another lifetime. I might catch up to the cat by then. No wonder teh Egyptians worshiped them.
.Peace.

In which I do not climb a tree and thus remain physically unscathed
or,
the puma looses his sense.

This is the day in which I remain baffled (good word that) at the comments my room-mates make. "Today smells like fall." and "i have yet to find a guy that looks as good as an avacado tastes". With brilliance such as this, no wonder I am like I am. The dishes are filled up with sink, and vise versa. My brain crowds out the scads of civilization and moves on to find new territory strangely like the Pilgrims but without the fancy hats. Just like the white winged dove. Ooo baby. Kareoke party tomorrow, too bad I don't know Japanese, good thing Claire does. Weekends always seem braver when they are confronted with a weekday. Can't say that I came up with Savage the Embargo but I can say I know the man who did.
I sat down to give a real update I swear, and I only parially got there. See lots has happened. For example, I just washed my hands. I enjoy clean hands and short nails.
I'm still alive but thats not always a given. I already have some speakers in line for my funeral, in case school ends up killing me. None of them are male models. Yet.

My dreams have been hyperactive. You know another cool word? Vertigo. Say it and you raise another notch in my book, if I believe you are cool enough. And believe me, I have a book. And I have dreams. I dont take walks on the wild side, I live on it. I lost my phone today, but found it a minute later. You all know me. How many times have I warned you all about my telephone? Well, it happened again! Once more I couldn’t get through, and yet again I nearly didn’t get my famous poem with a picture of me inset through those operators! YOU know how I hate those blasted operators. You all know me. Operators and dentists have a special room in purgatory. THIRTY TWO times I tried to get through with my famous poem and thirty two times I was told to ‘Get off the line you are boring" When I told a friend or two, they couldn’t not believe it, after all hadn’t I been writing the same thing for two years? Abomnible. (another cool word) You all know me. Nickels and dimes, yours and mine.

Now to keep my mind on track. Kind of like running. I haven't gone running but I know people who do. But I've been drinking liquid, the best kind of drinking to do. School's good, I'm getting by with a little help from my friends, and life is like the little engine that could.

Elephants just popped in my head. With big eyes. Nope, it's Horton. Horton snapped in my mind. you know that one Dr. Seuss book. He's in my head. Eating a buiscutt. With jam. in a palm tree. Man i could totally write my own dreams. I am in such a weird mood right now. Maybe I shouldnt even post this. nope i will.

We grow weed in our window. Basil weed. Works just as well. Our living room is clean and we're working on the kitchen. The dishes are diminishing and so is my water in the cup next to my compy. Interesting tea, Lauryl says. Minnesota? I thought you lived in Conneticut. Well let me tell you. I had tea this morning, made me happy; i love tea. If tea could talk what would it say? I like hardback books. I have two quizzes tomorrow, welcome to reality! We ran out of freezer bags, and I am out of applesauce. But the beat goes on.
History repeats itself but i will not.
I saw a Papillon puppy today and could feel myself turning sappy... it was disturbing. I liked that puppy. And I fell for a black cat the other day. That's two strikes against me. I never thought. pretty handsome awkward. I called my mom right away to tell her, she was happy. The moment I said "i turned soft" she knew it was about an animal. Dont count on it buddy boy. I am into fishes. They soon will be into me. I love seafood, but not spinach. And thats waht seperates me from Popeye. That and I dont have a 'squeaky eye', yet anyway.

My nephew is 1 now and is so adorable. He's a heart throb already.
I am not 1 and it scares me. You all know me.
I have been wanting to climb a tree. And sit on a roof, and watch a sunset in a wheat field. I want to eat a pop tart. And have a never ending supply of cinnoman rolls. I could live on those. Live fat and happy. My mind can wander and so can my head. I am feeling really weird right now... my head is like going back and forth. Maybe I'm just tired, but this is weird. Gaaahhhh i cant explain.

i'm going to lay down right now. i'll catch you later.
figuratively.

Life without Clean Clothes
or the potential thereof.

And the saga of my life continues. I live like a Scotsman logrolling, gotta keep my head balanced with my feet. I also feel like a snorkler-- dont forget to take a breath. So far, so good. With those comparisons you would think my life is pretty exotic. Oh yes, here in Moscow Idaho we snorkle and log roll. We might as well anyway. I am four weeks into it all, whihc means mid-terms I believe. Can I get a 'what what' WORRRRD up yo. Four weeks into school, Five weeks into living here once more. Five weeks without a clothes washer, five weeks without clean clothes. Well that's not completely true, I have paid for one load of laundry and heavens, I am running out of clohtes and quarters.
Quarters never had as much value in my life until these few weeks.
I want to see a sunset on a wheat field. I did have my first experience with a wheat field my first week back... that was amazing. But I got beat up. It sliced me up, legs, arms and all. Brutal. But oh so worth it. I was thrilled. It's the little things in my life.
Such as spiders, which I haven't had much experience here yet. Little things like beetles, which I did see one in the laundromat. Little things like pencils, which I keep losing. Little things like bobby pins and hair ties, which I leave everywhere. Little things.
My hair has grown and I might cut it again. The same ol'.
I love orange juice. Rock on citrus man.
You never know how much you can do til you are pushed.
My roomates are great, btw. Lauryl just threw a box into the corner, as she complains and laments of her "unfaithfulness" to her chard. She made leek-chips cuz she is cool like that. Claire is sitting in her bed reading and watching a movie with a friend, because she is Canadian like that. "aboot".
I leave you as I found you, only some time later. Love peace and chicken grease.
Peace.

I didn’t scream, the clock rang. The batteries went out, so the clock stopped working, so I used the sun. Look to the left to find the bush had moved, who knew it had legs? Sun hurt the eyes, Dont you wish you had second pair of eyelids? Pity those lizards never had speech. Don't hurt the daisies! Such friendly things are so easily squished.
Like squirrels.
Saw a dead one on the sidewalk, flat and brown like a squished gorilla, only much smaller and slightly cuter if it was alive.

I watched you and thought the smile on your face was a bit crooked and your sense of humour a little wack. I see in your eyes there is more to what you say, something about the mystery interests me. You didn't trip at least you wont have an internal injury. The joke wasn't funny but you laughed anyway, made a fool of yourself you aren't a clown dont ever change.

The stripes made my mind run a little too fast, slow down there is a speed limit, what would we do without the police? Warm orange juice sits on the counter, waiting for the season to change. Seasons change but people don't, at least that's what they tell themselves. She laughed as she walked with her purple giraffe, snorted alittle loud, made me smile.

Went to the store, found a cucumber, sale means deal. LB's to dollars euro to rupies, cant we make up our minds? Quick look no don’t hide skip dont cut blink dont stare. Plastic face makes you think of Barbie, why the masks? Ever wonder who you really are? I wish I could talk to you, really talk; what are you about? Regrets of humanity's life all in one book, wonder how many more there are, anyone I know? What is hidden?
Treasure hunt, be a pirate, nick the empire! Live underground, dont get buried. Vertical, horizontal, up down nursery rhyme!

We watched the man and wondered what he did with his life, any advice for newcomers? Life has no instruction book, you learn by watching. He lay on the grass and shut his eyes I wonder if he'll ever wake up. A life you dont live is still lost. Watch humanity walk by, everybody put their socks up and everybody put their foot down. Their heads were up but the eyes looked down.

What is the point of toes? If fingers were shorter and toes were longer would we switch the words or redefine them? This is the correlation. Laugh a minute! Don't stop. You're so brilliant, dont forget. More of a inspiration. Shall I deliver civic discourse or let you live in peace? The phone in the corner is plugged in but doesnt work, things aren't always what they seem. Why does your voice sound different on the phone, why does your laugh sounds funny when you are upside down? The delay on cell phones is hilarious when you talk to yourself. Glad you get crazy, makes me feel like company.

Stand on the sand dune, it's like a pyramid, what did Egyptians think of me? I am not Japanese, wonder what it's like in Alaska. Travel the world, dont stay in your cage, break out break out! Free your mind, bask in your freedom, seize the moment now is the time! Once the skeptic now the critic, why do you think you are better than everyone? Conceit is more repulsing than ignorance. Lower your head and dawn the humility, you are not as big as you think you are. Freedom is sometimes just simply another perspective away. Tell me your dreams. Analize.

The bluebelles in the garden made me contemplate life and tranquility, gave the mind a break from the energy it has released. Positive or Negative? How strong were those vibes and how long was your trip? Are you still sane? DOnt wreck yourself, you are bigger than that. Dont get sad, get glad! Turn that frown upside down. Cheer up Charlie.

I saw you watching, I tried not to stare. Occupied my mind to other things, hoped you didnt think I was ignoring you, didnt get embarressed just curious. Ever wish you could read thoughts? probably best we can't. It's the silence that screams. Glad I lived, glad you did too. Life suddenly had a sunrise! Eternal sunshine, maybe not so spotless of a mind, but cleanliness is overrated.
Dalmations aren't very cute, firetrucks scream loud, hurts the ears.
Ear? Dear. Mirrrr.... or.

Glass to Arson. There is no mathmatics to love and loss, but we dreamt in heist. And here goes time and confusion... shut your mouth, no one has to know. Here the hope, tomorrow! We can see the world, I'd go. Look up, tomorrow comes, another feel good drag, hold on to what you got, but have an open hand.

Alittle too much information. Public display? I hope not. In the end the results are rigged. Slot machines are not. I’m at the casino pretending that I’m a ballerina with lots of money painted with mysterious kalidescope colours created in lavalamp scrapbooks in China, like the yellow sea poisoned with shark breath, stupid poachers making you look like a wimp against the elephant tusks. What ivory? Only if its psycodelic. Believe in dancing? Arms like monkeys, hair like twizzlers, eyes gone googley, waving like windmills, freaking me out like the crow in the sky.

So disarming how Russians don’t use English letters. Shoot sunshine, bloody hell master, touch down turn around DOWN WITH THE MAN! up with the system!
God save the queen.

"Why do they call him the boss?"
"Because he's afraid to fly."
I dont know why she swalled the fly
perhaps she'll die.

Speaking of dieing, and bugs, I have killed quite the number of bugs this summer season. I did it with confidence and poise, no sweat. There was one huge ugly mother of a furry moth... one that was like the sasquatch of all moths... that was going to eat Katy in her sleep. So I went to save her... and well... it was quite the process. I freaked out. It was so huge and furry and gross. Yah I cringed, jumped around, made faces.. the whole shabang.
But in the end, it died.
And there were no flies on Frank.
Oh I have a story about that, but nah, you dont wanna hear it... it's alittle.. wack.
On to the stuff you wanna hear about.

My time here is dwindling. It's amazing how it flies by. It seemed like i had forever here, and then "POOF!" like a fairy Godmother, it disappears right before my eyes, longing for more. Thats the way to do things I guess, so you never get bored from it, always leaving them wanting more. ANd I am wanting more. Overall it was unsatisfying. It had its fun moments, but overall it wasnt what I expected. I did get to hang out for a short while with some, but it was just weird. Thats just honesty. But I got to go camping with Jake & Emily & Guy, Rachel & Brian & Anna, Keith, Jordy, Nate, Ian & Heather and that was ton fun... I was lovin it like a McDondles commercial.
And you'd think that since i've seen so much McDondles I would know how to spell the word. Is it that obvious that I havent been there in so long? Go Taco Bell.
I also played upfront for worship service 3 times total (well it will be three), that was good to get back into things like that.
I also went to the beach with some friends, I think I got something that could pass as a tan. That was fun as well.
I also spent 10hrs a day babysitting for friends of mine. They are takingme and Katy to the Chinese Gardens in downtown Portland and also to a resteraunt tomorrow. I am looking forward to that, they are a good family.
I had my wisdom teeth pulled. Oh the excitement. Bed ridden, bloody mouthed, and all that. My mouth feels so empty. And so did my stomach.
So you see, it had its points. For a good while I was wishing I was in Idaho. I really really missed my friends, and adjusting to this kind of lifestyle was difficult. It went from doing everything all the time, to doing... things not very often. It was difficult. I have adjusted I think though, and am sorry to see my time here end. But at the same time I am looking forward to being up there again, and starting a new year of school. 3 of my very close friends will not be there though, so that was hard to swallow. Jancy, LingLing and Stacey are all far away. I am glad they are doing what they wanna do though, but I will miss them so much. I will be able to hang out with stacey before she leaves, and I am eternally grateful. heh.
I do feel a little in-between though. It's hard loving both states so much. I dont wanna be away form Oregon, and yet I dont wanna be away from Idaho. There are people in both places that I just couldnt do without. You see my predicament. It is hard to leave.
For Both places.
All people.
Leave. Gone. What horrible, candle-snuffing words.
Never fear my Oregon friends, I will be back, like Arnold.
And to my Idahoians, never fear, I am here!
I will be living in an apartment with 3 other girls. I haven't met them yet, but they seem really nice and fun. 2 of them are Freshmen, the other is... a Junior I believe. It has been fun.. and yet.. vague (yikes) planning the apartment, but I am looking forward to living out on my own... in a way.
For those ofyou extra eager to know my school schedule, my Christmas break (when I'll be in Oregon again) is Dec. 22- Jan 16.
Maybe I'll post some pictures soonish... maybe. I've been pretty busy.
Oh, and I worked more on my quilt that I started last year. I hoped to have it done for when I went to Idaho (extra warmth)... but alas. Not. Shoot, sunshine! Things just got alittle more busy and well, wrinkled and jumbled and well it didnt happen. Maybe another year.
Maybe by the time I'm married.
Woo! But alas, I leave for Idaho August 8th.
"2,000 miles I roam, just to make this dock my home."
Hellogoodbye (see background). Happy Crimble.

The vibe is intense. Be part of thrill seeking as a fashion. Risk is a friend, be part of the restless search for the thrill....
A watched potatoe never grows.
but children do.
And this child has.
Way to much.
And so, this child decided to go running. Went with Emily yesterday, not very long mind you, i'm way out of shape so Em/I took it short. So I went tonight as well, short again, but hey, its better than nothing. And I want to do it every day, and build up. Sound good?
So does blowing bubbles in your soda.
But i never got that. Blowing your breath into your soda.
Ew.
Gross.
Just like Spiders.
Speaking of spiders. I rescued Emily from one again today. Proved my toughness. My Manliness. My Braveity.
Only not.
I have a slight tan. Slight, but its there. I see a tan line. Thank God for Tank Tops, I've worn one almost every day practically, so its about time. I am happy. Even with all that sunburning and peeling, I still have one. Even Emily says so! Woooooo
Woo is a funny word. I use it for cheering like "yay" but I mean It's also used as "woo" as in "court" as in "date"... and its funny. Cheering while saying "court"... anyway. Strange.
People are strange when youre a stranger.
Sorry my posts ahve been slacking. ANd the quality has gone waaaaaaaaaaay down. Its embaressing. Picture me blushing. Cuz in mind that's what i'm doing.
SMACK DAT!
peace out
a.h.
oh and by the way i think something happened to my brain
its not nearly as funny. it's annoying me. something happened. Maybe its that mushroom juice my mom makes...

So here I am just the same as last time, only a week later. The sun has been burning the countryside, and I hear that it's done the same to my home state as well. Good times, and about time. It's been nice, only it has also reminded me that I need to cut down on the sweets, start up on the running, and get stronger to get that summer body.
I went with some of my friends (Meg, Ben & Skyler) down to Lewiston for a picnic by the river. That was really fun... and I got burned in a very ugly way. Pretty much only on one side of me. Blah. And that trip reminded me that I need a good swimsuit.
Tomorrow I have a final, which reminded me that I need to study. Tuesday is my last 3 finals, which reminds me that I will have my life back in no time, which in turn reminded me that I need to study and figure things out for the summer.
And posting makes me think that I need to post pictures, but I wont make a documentery, because I have too many. If you wanna see them then catch me when I'm home and I'll show them to you.
Typing makes this clickity sound that reminds me that I need to cut my fingernails.
I played lots of guitar today, made me happy. I'm finally learning non-church songs... it's about time. On the class trip Jon's bringing his guitar as well, and we'll jam, so that should be fun.
Write me another poem and then tell me who I was in a past life, and you shall pass.
as opposed to "not pass"

The end.
Ex Nihilo..... Quid nam.
forever
ashl

A Paradox and a Matching Sweater, Please

The normal stress-out-you-have-so-much-to-do days have ceased for a few days. This week
was the most stressful week I've had that I can think of, having to give two seperate thesis' in the same week, seperated by 2 days. It freaked me out, but I got through it. I dont know my grade from them yet, but I am satisfied that I got through, which is more than I expected. In fact the day before my second and most important thesis, I sent my mom an email that consisted of these few alarming but sincerely felt sentances:

"Start making the funeral plans, for tomorrow I die.

Say your last words to me. As it is now, tell them I

loved them, and it was good while it lasted."

She didn't think that was funny. I was really really stressed out man. I gave myself a big headache and a stomach ache. It doesn't help that I have huge expectations put on me. Not only do I have the normal stress about giving it, but everyone says "You'll do fine. You always have. You can do it no problem. It's no problem for you, you do great." Yes I might HAVE done great, but what guarantee is there that I'd do great again? And it always has been a problem! Just because I've done great doesn't mean that it's easy! It's not easy! So there! Anyway, so that was stressful as well, just having their ... almost not understanding. They didn't believe that my fears were.... well founded. Anyway. But I got through it, and my class mates were very good to me to believe in me like that. :D
Also, my parents sent me wonderful flowers... my favourite flowers... TULIPS! red tulips. The whole school found otu about those, they thought it pretty sweet, but unusual. I love them and they are still on my dresser. I would take a picture if I had a camera, but as it is, I don't.

I'll post more pictures when I get them.

So I have basically been bumming around. Hanging out, spending money (I need to stop that though. no more money spending till I get a job).... reading. I finally finished a book that Geoff lent me ... oh dear, on Christmas Break. Now I'm on the next one. Wahoo!

Time is winding down. Finals are coming up so that's kind of scary, but actually exciting. My family is coming up in 12 days... on the 24th anyway. So that's cool. Then I head to the Oregon coast with my class for 5 days! So I come home in 18 days. That is the countdown. I am counting down daily, as some people know... hehe...

Spontaneous Combustion.
That just poped into my head. I like that phrase.

I look around and find that I still haven't put up my Beatles posters. They are still rolled up like they came because I havne't gotten around to buying that sticky stuff. So I will keep them down and then put them up when I get home. When I get a house I want a music room, where I will have all my guitars and a drumset and bass and all that stuff, and lots of posters on the walls. Mmmm yes that will rock. Then I want a work out room with weights and tredmill and all that stuff and a punching bag. Yes sir.
House plans.... oh man I am getting ahead of myself. How appauling. I disgust myself.

I leave you as I found you, only some time later.
-Ashley

(pleasant dreams)

The end of the photos for now.
I have been busy with school of course. How boring and normal is that? Well, 2 more months left of it and then I come home. I cleaned my room today and the bathroom.
Tomorrow (easter) we are having 2 families over, so that should be fun.. foosball! maybe some poker! hooray! and the Menadier's just got cable tv yesterday so that's a hooray as well.
SPORK without the latex gloves.
yours,
ashleyhehe

Lots has happened. Like-- lots. I was waiting for pictures. But alas, none came. I'm sorry, it's not really my fault.
So that "class movie party" turned out it was a surprise birthday party for me. I was sooo not expecting it AT ALL... it was amazing these kids are amazing. They all chipped in a bought pizza and a John Lennon doll and Beatles door poster. They are so sweet they know just what I like. I am still amazed at them. They are great. If I ever get pictures, I"ll post them.
My thesis went really really well. My speech compitiion when well also.
Finals week! And then I visit home. Not sure when I'm coming home tho, unexpected events transpired and I am unclear as of now... its either Friday or Saturday tho.
Well, that was a good summary. Nice and short.

I can write a storY! Geoff doesn't want to read them cuz it bugs him when someone is weirder than him.... wackah.
This mess is a room. The knife cut the bag. It's not my fault she screamed.

The guitar in the corner is finally near the right tuning, there is a sticky note on the wall where most would not see it with the word "nothing" written in Sharpie, a question mark afterwards, I need to cook more but not enough time, eat less but i get hungry, cold.

Apple butter? better than it sounds.
an artificial memory of you the other day, falling asleep and you were in the kitchen came back happy saw that I left the drink bubbles on the lid unpressed for you so you could mash them with your finger, your face condensed, convex concave snap! You were so happy. I was so happy. Snap. Someone's bday is tomorrow Pop! Hope she is happy, snap.

I yawned at happiness in a way that could only be make believe.
I opened my eyes it was gone
I was left with salt on my fries and you were gone. POP.

At the grocery store awhile back there was a sale, 4 cucumbers for one american dollar, inflation terrible. so happy was so happy, purchased only two, don't want to waste food going bad no time to eat no time. Was I joyful? Joyful? Two fresh cucumbers for fifty cents? I was. Lame. so lame. Wish they were carrots.

Hello, I am at the grocery I am pretending that I am an old expert with ancient breath scented with mysteries things expired in caves scholarly pipes family heirlooms stupid teacher breathing pop quizzes over your shoulder. touching the produce in a hypothetic moondance; examining, formulating, concluding, a strange ritual lost cartographers. I pretend I pretend that all of it, the stretching light years with fingers like yarn in the cradle of a cat, I pretend that I know what I'm doing petting those fruits serenading those vegetables.
In the end, the selection is purely random Random.

When I stare at you on the bus don't be alarmed i am aligned with the background two dimensional no values don't be alarmed. I am only looking at your face like a cauldron of interactions see how this line meets this one here? I am holding my breath concentrating disassembling you with calculated proficiency to lines and pieces hoping to put you together as something better on 65 LB recycled paper.

See how the mouth loses confidence at the edges falling like cannonball duds see how the eyebrows rush off his face eager with manifest destiny. westward expansion ho! columbus? no, cannibals. So disarming how the giraff's nose is nearly tipped over! falling trees no one can hear! Marilyn monroe we see your underwear! god save the queen what is up with kudzu? SPUTNIK!

why is america not on the metric system? funny, converting everyone to religion, democracy, justice, English language, US use the Metric system? no thank you, quite happy yes. doing just fine if it's alright with you.

I thought all your jokes were funny I thought it's nosebleed was cute I don't know what you were trying to do on the other side of my life but that dress looks nice on you but your socks questionable try obedience once in a while dedicate your babies to the church and talk to your mom on the phone eat your broccoli.
idiot.

Congradulate me kids, that was fun.

Yep, Im the rugged one.... I just never really fit in with princesses do I.... heh heh


OO! This was so fun. So this school has a day of games/competition: archery, chess, ping pong, sword fighting.... the girls cant sword fight (i archered), but I really really wanted to... so on the side lines I borrowed one of Charles' swords (some metal pipe thing covered with foam i think) and fought him.... I found out that I am yet again weak... my poor forearm... but it was really fun. He was nice and didn't destroy me... but i ended up without any limbs. Heh. Then I fought a few other people, came up with my own moves (that i stole from Gladiator)... and I think with practice I'd be pretty alright.




Yah that's all I got as of now. Have fun, knock yourself out.
ever,
ashl

Everyone laughed at her joke
As if they'd never even heard it before
And maybe they were truly amused
But every word that she spoke was a bore
And maybe it's because they had seen
The previews on the TV screen
Well this part is good and that's well understood
So you should laugh if you know what I mean

But it's all relative
Even if you don't understand
Well it's all understood
Especially when you don't understand
Then it's all just because
Even if we don't understand
Then lets all just believe

Everyone knows what went down
Because the news was spread all over town
And fact is only what you believe
And fact and fiction work as a team
It's almost always fiction in the end
That content begins to bend
When context is never the same

And it's all relative
Even if we don't understand
And that's well understood
Especially when we don't understand
Then it's all just because
Even if we don't understand
Then lets all just believe

I was reading a book
Or maybe it was a magazine
Suggestions on where to place faith
Suggestions on what to believe
But I read somewhere
That you've got to beware
You can't believe anything you read
But the good Book is good
And that's well understood
So don't even question
If you know what I mean

But it's all relative
Even if you don't understand
Well it's all understood
Especially when you don't understand
And it's all just because
Even if we don't understand
Then lets all just believe

But there you go once again
You missed the point and then you point
Your fingers at me
And say that I said not to believe
I believe ......I guess
I guess it's all relative

"It's All Understood" by Jack Johnson....

And for all of you, I am fine. As Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy would say, in large friendly letters: "Don't Panic."

So I am finally feeling better. Maybe the "huggles" worked? Sleep had something to do with it. Seriously I slept enough to make up for the whole year. I never woke up before 1pm, most of the days I slept til at least 2pm. My record: 3.00pm. I felt so lazy... and that's because I was. I love sleeping. I could sleep all day... and never wake up. That would be the nicest way to go out I think... but its the cowards way out. hehe. Today I woke up at 12, just because I felt bad for sleeping so much and I have my thesis to write. So I woke up, ate breakfast for the first time in a week, watched the 1965 San Fransisco Press Conference with Bob Dylan, cleaned my room, cleaned the bathroom, and hopefully pretty soon I'll work on my thesis at Bucer's (the coffee shop). I am stressing out about that just so you know.

Nothing else to report really. I have random musings, but this is not the site for me to do that on. This site of course well you know what this site is for. I can't believe that it's already February. 3 months until school is OUT!!! I can't wait. But that also means the hardness of it all is going to increase.

Well nothing else to say. All these comments is wonderful. Did you see-- 9 comments on that one picture!! and then 6 on that last post of mine! I'm setting records and am on a roll!

Right now I will leave you.

Thank you all for your overwhelming response on that "emo" picture. I've never gotten so many comments from so many people in the history of this blog. Yes that is a kind of emo picture of me but I like it when I take those kind of pictures and when I look like that so well that's my life ok not yours. I could go on but I'll quit the hostility for a bit. I do find it funny that I got all those comments on that one picture of me and no comments on the post... hahahaha oh well it's fine...

So I have been sick. We had 2 snow days (thursday and Friday), then the weekend, then i got sick on Sunday, didn't go to school on Monday and Tuesday, went on Wednesday, felt nascious and woozy and all, stayed home from school today and we'll see about tomorrow. This is not a convienient time to be sick because we are writing another thesis... save me from this present evil.

So this week has been pretty humdrum and I have been feeling the same. Nothing much else to report. It's been snowing again... we have alot of snow and I actually like it like that... except that you have to dig out of 2+ feet of snow to open the gate to get out, which numbs your hands for an hour or so.
Power to the people.
Ashley
"is that what you think or what they want you to think?"

Stacey is in love with this picture. Josh likes it alot too. I tried my luck at eye liner the other night...it was fun....i also have more pics like this but a bit more... scary. haha
more pix to come once people get me them.

Well, I still dont' have good pictures to post. I have pictures of me... but i dont think that most of you would appreciate them. Haha. Not much news but it's been a while and certain people like me to say something. But alas, picture-less once more.

Gave my thesis today and I dont want to talk about it. People say I did fine and good and all that, I thank them for their nice-ness, but it is not up to my standard. I could have done SO MUCH better than that, it discusts me to think of how I did. So that's all I say about it. Another one starts next week.

SNOW is everywhere!!! It's freaking awesome! We might get a snow day tomorrow for the first time in 16 years. All other schools may be shut down, but we always stay open.. but tomorrow, that may just change and I pray to God that it will. I would love the chance to sleep and rest. And finish things that need to be finished.

As far as friendships go, I have... quite a few. I have a few closer friends, and get along with most of the kids here. I hang out with pretty much all grades... practically I am excersizing my integration. Hooray!

Have a nice day, and keep off the grass.
what a boring post. gr.

Forever

Ashley

Random pictures pretty much for Katy:
REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE!!! I totally love it!! and of course, James Dean is freaking amazing... I love him too....I watched that movie the other night and got all happy again..

This was just a cute pic. I have lots of these because they make me smile.

Well now I post for Rachel. I posted the picture post for Dale & Daurelle, and post this word one for Rachel. Haha I find that amusing.
Well so now I am about to head into my third week of the third quarter. I am already looking forward to Spring Break. Not that I dont like it here, but you know, that's just how it goes. But I am still doing well. And my room is staying cleaner than it used to be so that is an improvement.
The big project is that I have been writing my first thesis. I finished it today--outline and manuscript so it is complete and I am happy. Now I just have to present it. The subject is "do hard things"--kinda like the Rebelution but not totally that. And once that is over I'm pretty sure we write/present another one, but i'm not sure when. I know there are two short (7-9 minute) thesis in 3rd quarter.
Latin continues to confuse me so I wont talk about it.
Friday-Saturday we (the Menadier parents, Stacey, Ling Ling and I) went to Spokane to follow the school's basketball team and go to their games. That was fun hanging out with those two...we had a good time--they are pretty fun. The boys unfortunately lost both games. We do so good, until we just start fouling like it's going out of style man it's awful to watch. But we give them E's for effort and still are behind them the whole way. We are a good fan group. We are good cheer'ers, which they like us to be. Joy joy.
I need to iron clothes for tomorrow. Tsk tsk. I'll do that when i wake up tomorrow. I am such a procrastinator it's not even funny. It is bad.
Pictures will be coming from our times at the basketball games. They should be pretty ok.
Well that's about all that's really happening that I can think of. Nothing too eventful, but yet I am pretty busy. But never too busy for you. haha. Today I skipped out on sleadding for the second time because I had homework. Aren't I so devoted? Yes, I say that just for you mom just so you know.
Well, now I will leave you.